Less than 48 hours out

The nerves are slowly beginning to set in. I can feel the taper madness taking over. I will say that I am handling it 100% better than I did last year. Some of it is experience but most of it has to do with my mindset. I don't feel the need to do anything right now. I got everything done yesterday. I got registered, I made the purchases I needed and I got the freak away from the venue.

I am a HUGE believer in not staying at the race site. I like to stay close but a few miles off. To me, there is nothing more irritable than to be surrounded by 2000 other neurotic, nervous athletes. Staying away from the venue also mitigates the possibility of doing a lot of walking around. With the expo, there is always something to do. You can make signs, look at new products, buy merchandise. And of course, run into everyone you know. But most importantly, it puts you on your feet all day. No thanks.

I swam this morning. Brrrr. It was a miserable 51 degrees out this morning. The water was nice, especially since it was warming than the air temperature. My swim was solid. I felt really strong. The water was like glass with a small currently pulling you out and to the left. I am crossing my fingers for similar conditions on Saturday.

My afternoon ride was average. I didn't feel particularly strong. Off the bike I went into a brief run. I tried a 9/1 approach which felt great. I was able to still average 9/minute miles. If only the run after the bike was always that easy.

Race Day Tracking

For those readers that are not able to be in Florida this weekend, Ironman does provide online tracking of athletes. On race day Ironmanlive.com will provide updates around the clock on the status of pros and age groupers. Starting in the afternoon (3 pm), they will begin streaming live video from the course too.

If you are bored on Saturday, feel free to track me:

http://ironman.com/events/ironman/florida

You will have two options--
Race/bib Number: 234
Or by last name.

I can almost taste the salt water

Ironman Florida has nearly arrive. In 48 hours I will be in Panama City Beach among the mass of nervous athletes. It hasn't been easy this year. I have endured a lot physically, mentally and emotionally. I struggled with an injury that nearly broke me. It required me to let go of my aggressive time goals. It required me to physically take a break from training. It required me to muster the mental stamina to listen to a coach when all I wanted to do was go...and go longer and faster. It required me to physically do the right thing despite my inclinations. It wasn't an easy year.

It can easily be said that getting to the Ironman is just as challenging than the feat itself. Last year, I said training was 10x harder than the race. And this year is likely to confirm that feeling once again. For now, the goal is to rest and begin to mentally dial in for the race. While it has been a long year, I can now quantify in hours how far away the race is. It is time to toe the line and get in the water.

This year I have ridden over 3400 miles
This year I have ran over 600 miles
This year I have swam over 240,000 yards

This is the journey to the Ironman.

The road continues on...

Final week of training and I let it all go. Nothing much to report here. My body was screaming for recovery and taper. I didn't fight it. I set out Friday to train and it didn't happen. It was steadily raining and in the mid-40s. The ride that was supposed to be 3.5 hours never was. I wasn't going to fight the weather. I opted for the hot tub and an afternoon nap (sorta).

Monday--2500y in 50'
Tuesday-20 mile ride in 55'; 3.3 run in 30'
Wednesday-4500y swim in 1:15
Thursday-5.2 mile run in 45'
Friday-1600y in 25'; 24.5 miles in 80'
Saturday-12.3 miles in 45'
Sunday--2 hour massage :)

Swim: 8600y in 2h 30m
Bike: 56.8 miles in 3h
Run: 8.5 miles in 1h 15m
Total training time: 6h 45m

I like weeks like this!

Georgia State Time Trial

Last weekend was my first venture into road racing. Given my interest in cycling it was only a matter of time before I entered one of these races. I thought about the Roswell Crit earlier in the season but didn't have the means to race it....yet.

So a group of us ventured to north Georgia, near Chattanooga, for the time trial race. It was a bunch of triathletes versus the roadies. The morning was cool and required digging out my cold gear for the race.

A time trial is simple. Everyone lines up in order and each cyclist is sent off each 30 seconds. The goal, to do the course as fast as you can. You really don't have a clue how your rank. It is truly a race between you and the clock.

I had no expectations for the race. In fact, I was a bit fatigued from a long week of training. My goal was to have a consistent, hard race. The course was moderate hilly. The climbs weren't substantial but there were enough to kindly remind you that you were climbing. And it made for great descents.

The result--55:17 for 20.5 miles...average 22.1 mph and average 240 effort. That is what I call a solid effort. I felt like I pushed it for most of the race. There were definitely times that I was sandbagging. There was plenty of snot and spit coming out of the mouth.

I ended up 5th of 17 in Cat 5. Not too bad for my first attempt.

Quick Read

So I am backlogged a bit on the blogs right now. I am working on catching up. Tapering should provide me some time to get my thoughts together on a few more topics. Plus, I will be blogging from IMFL.

I would be remiss if I didn't post a link to this story. When you have time read it...you will have chills a tears. http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/eticket/story?page=backinthewater&lpos=spotlight&lid=tab2pos1

Summary: A victim, a son and a community come back together, finding strength in one another, after a popular athlete was attacked my a shark earlier in the year.

Motivation and Goals, part duex

I am spending an increasing amount of time thinking and discussing motivation. As you may recall, I blogged about it a while back in regards to pulling out of a triathlon. Recently, I have refined and narrowed the discussion in regards to how I analyze motivation.

The question is simple--Are you intrinsically or extrinsically motivated? Do you motivate yourself by personal development and improvement or do you measure your success by awards, medals and external stimuli?

The easy answer is that we are all intrinsically motivated. Our motivation comes from within. Sounds simple enough. But is that really the case? Look around and tell me what you see.

Two weekends ago, at the Ironman World Championships, defending champ Chris McCormack began having mechanical issues half way through the bike. Given the time he would lose fixing the problem, he made the decision to bow out of the race. He was there to win. Nothing less. He was externally motivated by the carrot that is World Championship (that isn't to say he isn't internally motivated). And for the record, I agree with his decision to pull out...though I think it is bad sportsmanship.

Two years ago, pro Rutger Beke blew up on the marathon and was reduced to walking. Beke, is one of the top pros in the world, consistently finishing top 5 from 03-06. Talk about consistency. Beke was done. He was toast. But he chose to stay in the race and walk the remainder of the 26.2 miles. He let go of the external motivation; instead digging deep inside and internally finding the motivation to still finish the race among the age groupers, in 898th place. Beke returned to Kona this year and plowed through the field to a second place finish.

Again, none of this goes to say that the pros aren't intrinsically motivated. That certainly isn't the case as they put in more effort at ungodly intensities. Instead, it is just two glaring examples of how motivation has played out in recent events. But more often, this is seen on the local level among age groupers, particularly in beginners.

How do you determine if someone is extrinsically motivated? I think the first sign is to look at their goals. The second is to understand how not meeting one or some of their goals affects them. Finally, how they carry themselves in regards to their goal.

In my opinion, I think a number of athletes use this sport to validate themselves. For instance, their goal is to do an Ironman. However, they have no business doing a race of that distance. Their bodies simply aren't ready or they don't come from an athletic background. I can admire the goal. I was there. I had no business signing up for my first IM. The Ironman itself came to define who I was. I see this a lot.

As a result of this, the external stimulus (Ironman) fuels the internal motivation. I have blogged a number of times about training out of fear. That is what happens. When the external is motivating the internal...that is a problem. Your motivations in life should always come from within. One should fuel themselves in a way that the external motivation is really the goal to reach.

Take the athlete who in his/her first year in a new age group suddenly finds themselves not as competitive. The previous year, the may have been consistently top 5; now they aren't even top 10. Their goal is to finish in the top 5 of every race. This is how they define success. This type of athlete can commonly be found saying things like "if i was still in x age group, I would have been in the top 3." One has to wonder where the motivation rests.

What I find particularly interesting about the example above is that the athlete may have bettered their previous time. So, in essence, the athlete has a better race yet appears unsatisfied or disappointed in the results.

Or take the athlete that is strictly time oriented in their approach to the sport. Setting a realistic time goal is great and I would never argue the differ. But things like time, speed and rankings are quantifiable. That is why we like them. They allow us to compare. That however is not always good. What about an athlete that gave 100% in a race and came up 3 seconds short of their goal? What about an athlete in a half ironman only averaging 18.5 mph when they averaged 19.5 in their last half.

A lot goes into a race (blog forthcoming). You can't always do apples to apples comparisons...their are too many variables....even when you do the same race from year to year. Instead, what should be important is how much effort you gave, how you felt during and how you felt after. If I race a 10k in 42 minutes, feel like crap and vomit everywhere after the race is it worth it when I can race a 43 minute 10k and feel great? One has to wonder. But I do get to hang my hat on a 42 minute 10k.

And how one uses these external stimuli is always interesting. Do I go our touting the I am the Olympic Distance champion? What does that get me? Bragging rights? Do I get a large obnoxious Ironman tattoo on my calf only to put on an extra 20 pounds after the season? How one uses accolades or successfully meeting goals says a lot about the person. But as I mentioned in the first point, much of it is self-validation. They need these things to validate themselves in front of others. They feel like they can hold their own in conversation or put their finishers medals up against someone else. These are the people that wear Ironman gear everywhere they go and bring it up anytime they can. (Ironman athletes are easier to pick on to make this point)

Again, I have been giving this a lot of thought over the past few months. I think my motivation has changed in this sport. I am much more concerned with having a great race. Sure, my goal is to improve upon my previous time. I understand what it takes to get there. But I have let go of many of the tangibles. I don't need medals or accolades to validate me in this sport. It is a hobby, something I do for fun. Just like I want to be promoted in my job...I want to better myself in the sport.


This played out most recently for me at Ameliaman. Getting passed in the chute by an age grouper was devasting. For me, it was the difference between hardware and being just another name on the results page. I still kick myself about the incident. I still want that hardware. But at the end fo the day...that doesn't matter to me. What matters is that I pulled off a great race. It was a killer PR for me. I had the best bike of my career and pulled off a killer run. That is what matters to me. I bettered myself. That easily overcame the motivation to take home a medal that says 3rd place.

None of this is to say that I am not externally motivated. I certainly am motivated by time and rankings. However, I use those as goals. Not the reason to train harder.

The road continues on...

Another week down. I can almost taste the salt water of the Gulf. I am officially less that two weeks out. I am to the point where I can quantify the time in the number of days. I am preparing my checklists of things to pack.

This week was ok in terms of training. I am not officially training but the volume is coming down just a bit. My body is beat...my legs are at their breaking point. They have no pop anymore. Long rides are a bit of a struggle. But that is kinda the point. If I can work through it now, then having to do that on fresh legs will be easier. Conceptually I get it.

Mon-2000y recovery swim in 35'
Tues-32 miles of intervals in 90'
Wed-4500y swim in 75'; 3.3 mile run in 30'
Thurs-14.3 mile run in 125'
Fri-Rest :)
Sat-20.5 mile Time Trial; 16 mile recovery ride 120'
Saturday-69.5 miles in 3h 40m

Swim: 6500y 1h 50m
Bike: 138 miles in 7h 20m
Run: 17.6 miles in 2h 35m

Total Training time 11h 24m

Only 2 more big workouts left...

Beating my head against the wall

90 times that is.

Is there anything more mind numbing than swimming? You really never go anywhere. It is like running long on the treadmill or putting in a few hours on the trainer. I really don't have the patience or the attention span for it.

On Wednesday, I had to perform the daunting task of 4500y in the pool. Continuously. The equates to 70-75 minutes swimming...without stopping....in a pool. The agony.

In a 25y pool, that is down and back 90 times. That equates to flipping around and pushing off the wall 180 times. Every 25 seconds, you slow, turn and push. Repeat 180 times.

Mentally, I break it into 9 x 500y segments. If I take splits here, then I don't need to count laps. I can look at my watch and know how many yards I am into the 500 set. This helps. But goodness, it is mind numbing.

I guess it is mental training. It sure sucked.
And I have to do it again next week.

The road continues on...

This past week was mediocre in nature. The race and long ride left me a bit fatigued and run down. Coach Dan promised a recovery week but my hours barely reflect it.

Mon-1200y 4x300 recovery swim 25'
Tues-2000y 4x500 continue to recovery 35'
Wed-4000y 2x200 70'
Thursday-13.8 miles of running 2h 5'
Friday-Rest
Saturday- 72 mile bike; 3h 50m
Sunday 3900y swim 60'

Swim-11,100y in 3h 10m
Bike-72 miles in 3h 50m
Run-13.8 miles in 2h 5m
Total training time-9h 5m

And that is a light week. Hmpf. I ended up cutting my bike short by 70'. I was having a bad ride and didn't want to force it.

I can almost smell taper in the air.

3 weeks out

Yesterday marked the final three weeks before Ironman. Kinda hard to fathom that three weeks from this morning, I will be devouring every bit of food in sight as I bitch and complain about my achy joints.

I am starting to feel ready. The number of big workouts have been reduced to just a few. I had a long ride yesterday that didn't go as planned. It put me in a bad mood for most of the day. But I have to keep in mind that I have had 2 great 100+ mile rides and that is where the strength will come from.

I also had a great run this week. I totally nearly 14 miles on Wednesday between the am and pm runs. This week, I have a 2 hour continuous run. Baby steps I tell myself. But that run will be a huge confidence booster if I can get through it. And then I get to look forward to tapering.

The body is still holding up well. It is taxed. It is fatigued. But I am grateful each morning that I am able to rise and get through another workout. As I have said before, each Ironman is a different journey. Each has its own story. This one is marked by perseverance and overcoming adversity. Three more weeks and I will fulfill the only promise I have made this season--to let my body finally rest.

EPIC

That is the word that I am using to describe this weekends ride. Sometimes it is not enough to just do 100 miles. Sometimes one needs to add a bit more perspective to the situation to understand the magnitude of the ride. Often, when I look at a local century, it just makes a large loop around a central point. When I ride on the SCT, it is just a long out and back then out and back. It doesn't give much perspective. Well the ride this weekend did.

Coach Dan and I stayed in Jacksonville Saturday night after the Ameliaman race. We started out on a Jacksonville trailhead traveling west at about 9 am. For the first hour, I was not feeling good. When I woke that morning I was extremely low energy and the mood set in. I was having difficulty finding my rhythm on the bike and could feel the soreness from the previous days race.

At the 75 minute mark, Dan and JC were to turn around and leave me to the rest of my trip. I plugged along on Highway 90 west finally finding my groove. The scenary wasn't much to talk about. I did manage to pass 3 correctional facilities. I found it bizarre that they were all on the same highway. The road conditions were favorable; providing a nice shoulder and very little traffic. I was beginning to enjoy this ride.

The first town I came upon was Lake City, FL. I had originally anticipated stopping there to refuel as it was about 50 miles into the trip. However, I was in a good groove and had enough fluid to continue on. In Lake City was my ONLY turn on the entire trip. I turned right onto Highway 41 North and was pleased to instantly see a sign that said Valdosta 63 miles. Sweet.

Highway 41 was much of the same. Good conditions and a good mindset. I was really moving at this point. I hit the 56 mile (half ironman distance) at sub 2:30. There wasn't much to see once you left Lake City. In fact, there wasn't any traffic. I felt like I was entering the twilight zone.

At the 3 hour mark I had traveled roughly 65 miles and just dumped my final bottle into my aerodrink so I made the decision to pull off at the nearest gas station. Needless to say that these people don't see too many cyclists. I purchase a few large waters to refuel. One guy asks how far I am riding today? I reply not sure, riding to Valdosta. He stares at me blankly. From here? He asks. Well I started in Jacksonville, I replied. Another deep confused look. Good luck he says as he shakes his head.

At this point I am moving at a faster clip than expected. I text Coach Dan to give him my update and then I plug along. I find my comfortable pace again. Around the 4 hour mark I begin to struggle. It is growing increasingly hot outside and I am a bit tired. I know I lost some speed and power as the fatigue begin to set in. At the 4h 30m mark, I want to be off the bike and out of the saddle.

I make the decision to stop again at the 105 mile juncture. I am overheating and it is causing my stomach to shut down a bit. I find the nearest gas station and douse myself with some more water. I try some gatorade but my mouth is parched and I don't want anything. I text Coach Dan again and wonder where he is.

At this point, I only have about 10 miles to go. I get back on the highway and try to dial in mentally. It is quite the struggle at this point. Then I hear the familiar sound of cowbell as Coach Dan comes flying around me. He helps motorpace me for the final few miles as I reach Valdosta.

The funniest part of the trip is that my watch is saying 114.7 miles as I hit the bridge going into Valdosta. It is a short, steep hill. I haven't had a hill all day. Dan pulls to the side waiting for me to make the call. I'll be damned if I am wussing out at the very end because of a hill. I got out of the saddle and attacked it. I totally ignored the sign that said no pedestrians or bicycles, lol. My power soared to 500 watts. I hit the summit and cruised down the backside. I found the nearest parking lot and collapsed. I was done!.

116.1 miles. Jacksonville to Valdosta
5h 29m of riding
21.2 mph average
158 watt average

And one hell of a sunburn.

The road continues on...

Another interesting week in training. I regret to inform my readers that I skipped a workout. One of my goals coming down the backstretch was to NOT miss any workouts. But it was the right call. I skipped a run because my knee was really agitated. I was growing increasingly concerned throughout the week that the knee would not hold up and the inflammation was growing. (Knock on wood) but that doesn't seem to be the case.

Mon-3000y as 12x200 in 60 minutes
Tues-24 mile ride in 1h 25m
Wed-8 mile run in 1h 15m (skipped 45 minute run that evening)
Thurs-3100 at T-pace in 62m
Fri-rode to Florida
Saturday-1650y in 28'; 25 mile ride in 67'; 6.2 mile run in 48'
Sunday-116 mile ride in 5h 30m

Swim: 7750y in 2.5h
Bike: 165 miles in 8h
Run: 14.2 miles in 2h

Total training this week was 12h 40m. This was a decrease from last week. But I will say that the intensity was much higher this week. Now onto a rest week! Yippee!

Ameliaman Race

This was a really late addition to the race calendar. Coach Dan was itching to race and wanted some company. Since I pulled out of the race in Nashville this seemed like a great opportunity. So we departed around noon en route to Amelia Island. We met up with some of his friends and crashed in a hotel adjacent to transition.

We first started moving around 5 am Saturday morning as the women in the room were racing the half ironman. I think I finally pried myself from the hotel sofa around 6 am. I devoured a clif bar and a banana while jostling around. I finally made my way to transition, took the bike for a spin and began to stretch out a bit.

My wave was the fourth to go off, after the half ironman wave.s We started on the beach and ran into the water. You had to wade nearly 50' before you could swim. Before the start, we watched the earlier waves go off and you could see that the current was pushing the athletes left really hard (I think the whole first wave missed the first buoy). My plan was to sit on Dan's feet as long as I can and site about 30' to the right of the turn buoys.

First few minutes were good. I was on his hip for the first 200m. Then he began pulling way so I got on his feet. We both were drifting left quickly. He finally pulled away between the second and final buoy. I rounded the turn buoy just fine but realized I couldn't see anything. I had no clue about the course layout. I tried to find feet but everyone was so spread out. I found the second turn buoy and headed home

Here is where I made a mistake. I forgot to take into account the current pushing me on the return. I was a good 20' off course. And there were NO feet anywhere. So I had to fight the current to make it back in. Then you had to wade the final 50' again. That really sucked.

Swim: 27:59 (1.43y/100)

I came out of the water sucking wind. I was not happy with my swim but it was the best I could do given the conditions. The run from the water to the parking lot was about 150 feet. I could tell my heartrate was through the roof. I made it to my bike and popped off my wetsuit. I put my garmin on my wrist and was already in zone 6. And then I was gone.

T1: 2:14

I came out of transition with 3-4 guys and got up to speed quickly. The race was run concurrently with a HIM so they too were transitioning to the bike. My plan was to push it hard as long as I can in order to build up a lead for the run. The best part was that I was passing people as if they were standing still. One guy caught me and I decided not to chase. I sat right outside the draft zone waiting for him to falter. He began to fatigue and I took off.

As I was approaching the turnaround, I began counting the number of people coming back. I was in 18th place and knew I could make up a few more sports. So I put down the hammer on the way back. I was pushing LT nearly the whole time and gaining on everyone. The funny part was that I was in no man's land most the race. If I passed someone, then I dropped them quick and there wasn't anyone to catch for a few more minutes.

Even in the final 3 miles, I caught another 3 guys and soared past them. I knew I had just put together a kickass bike

Bike: 1:07:22 (22 mph)

Due to the injury, I was under explicit instructions to not push the run. If needed, I was to switch to a 9/1 style in an effort to keep the knee from getting irritated. I came out of transition feeling a bit rough. I felt like I was just shuffling along. My HR was in check so I just kept moving. Imagine my surprise when I hit mile 1 at 7:48. Uh-oh WAY too fast.

And for the first time in a while I had a HORRIBLE side stitch. I can't recall the last time I developed one of those. And it wasn't going away. In fact it was slowing my down. I had to bypass the water station despite feeling parched.

I kept plugging along until I was passed by a guy in my age group. Grrr. I knew with the side stitch and bum knee that I couldn't go with him. I made a deal with myself that I was going to continue pushing the pace until the 2nd guy passed me in my AG. (I had a really good feeling where I stood).

Around mile 3 the side stitch subsided. And more importantly the knee was still engaged. At the turnaround I saw some hungry wolves coming my way about 200m back. I settled into a very comfortable sub 8 pace and kept moving.

Around the final 1.5 miles, my HR started to go up. I could hear footsteps behind me. I pushed a bit harder and said hello to z4. I was passed with right at mile 5 but there were 2 more behind me. So I picked it up a bit more. I put a bit more distance between us. At this point I knew I was going to pr and was having a really good race. I made the final turn and had about 50' on a guy.

Despite it being a race, I really didn't want to blow it out over the final 100m but he came barreling toward the finish line and I had to pick it up. And I'll be damned if he doesn't pass me IN the chute. I look at his calf. It says 26. I am devastated.

Run: 48:08 (7:46 pace)

Overall: 2:26:43
4th in my Age Group (grr)
20th overall

This was a great race for me. I really wanted to get out there prior to IMFL and go through the process again. Given my injury, I really didn't expect much from the run. And I really surprised myself. My knee held up really well and I barely felt it. My bike was the best performance to date. After reviewing the results I am pleased with my swim. All in all, I am thrilled with my performance. This was a PR of about 20 minutes for me. I am just mad that I didn't finish the race and secure hardware!!!

Early morning sites and sounds

One of the coolest things about being an athlete living in a big city is watching the town come to life in the morning. I see this a lot on the weekend when I customarily leave around 6 am to go cycling. The interstates are silent. And then I return only to face the chaos. More intriguing are the days that I choose to ride in town on some of the city's major arteries. Riding through Buckhead and Midtown is quite exciting at 7 am on a Saturday.

Running is much of the same. The past two weeks I have gotten up extremely early to log a solid run before work. This morning I departed shortly before 6 am. Running in the dark presents a number of challenges but it allows you to see and hear things that typically go unnoticed.

On each of my runs I have headed north on Peachtree Industrial through Brookhaven and into Chamblee. As I am going out, traffic is light. The only sounds are the marta trains whizzing by. When my sidewalk runs out, I easily gallop across 5 lanes of traffic to the other side of the road. My primary concern is not tripping on the sidewalk and the occassional turning car.

However, 6:30 is the time that the city comes to life. Traffic picks up. But what I find really interesting is that you can tell exactly where everyone works by where they are driving.

1. If they turn onto Ashford-Dunwoody or Johnson Ferry it can be inferred that they either work in Sandy Springs (probably near the King and Queen building) or Alpharetta.

2. If they turn down Clairmont or Druid Hills then they need the interstate so they work Downtown or Midtown.

3. If they continue south on Peachtree then they work in Buckhead.

On my return traffic is much heavier. There are a number of cars turning off and onto Peachtree. There is no more running across 5 lanes of traffic. Instead I am forced to wait at the crosswalk. The Marta station is busier and busier as busloads of people are dumped onto MY sidewalk. Grrrr.

I guess I will need to start even earlier. I am willing to bet less people will be there when it gets cold. It is really cool to watch the city come to life.

September Totals

Another month down.

September's totals:
Bike:	25h 47m 19s - 473.3 Mi
Run:	6h 01m 47s - 37.55 Mi
Swim:	10h 59m 47s - 32700 Yd
Strength:	20m

2008 totals
Bike:	167h 19m 18s - 2992.74 Mi
Run:	82h 19m 44s - 566.11 Mi
Swim:	71h 56m 07s - 210466.3 Yd
Strength:	7h 30m
Yoga:	7h 40m

I am definitely pleased with these totals. I biking was solid. Ideally I would have liked to be around 550. My run is better than I expected. I would feel much more comfortable if it was close to 80-90 miles. And my swim looks great.

For the year, I surpassed my swim goal a while back. I will pass my bike goal this weekend. It is unlikely that I will reach my run goal. I can't imagine that I can get 200 miles out of my body over the next 3 months. Possible...but unlikely.

The road continues on...

One more week down. And only one OH SHIT moment. I just flipped the calendar today and the date is present. I can see the large red circle...32 days. Wow. That suddenly seems REALLY close.

This week went REALLY well. I hit 14.5 hours of training...by far the most on the year. I only wish I had about 2 extra weeks before IMFL. I would like to push this a bit more. Sometimes it is amazing how one can train for 15 hours and still have plenty of time to do everything else during the week. I feel like I watched more TV than I have in months. I watched football and attended a birthday party on Saturday. And then I chilled most of Sunday afternoon. Time management. That is the key.

Mon--2300y as 16x100 (55m)
Tues--2400y as 5x300 and 3x150 (55m); 15 mile ride (51m)
Wed--60 minute run in the morning; 50 minute run in the evening
Thurs-70 minute swim 2x2000
Fri-Rest day
Sat-110 mile ride (5.5h) 20 minute run
Sun-3 hour ride; 50 miles.

Swim: 8700y 3h
Bike: 175 miles 9h 20m
Run: 13.5 slow miles in 2h 10m

Wow. That is a lot. And to think that I took a full day off.

If you need me....

I will be on my bike this weekend. Like ALL weekend long.

Saturday: 5h 30m on the Silver Comet Trail. That easily translates to 100 miles for me. Likely to be in the 105-110 range.

Sunday: 3h to Stone Mountain, around SM a few times and back. That will likely be about 50 miles.

Can anyone recommend a solid remedy to nurse my boy parts back to health???

I love to see improvements

I am constantly asked how I feel this year compared to last year's Ironman. And to be honest, they are different animals. The motivation and drive are totally different (see previous blogs). But as I progressed through training last year, one thing that was apparent was that I was in the best shape of my life. My times were coming down and I was hitting new highs frequently. But is that the case this year?

As I have mentioned over and over, each journey to the Ironman is different. Do I feel like I am in the best shape of my life? No. But my times are much better than last season. Do I feel like I could conquer the world? Nope. But I know I am going to have a better race than last season. Chalk it up to experience, knowing what to expect or maybe just better training. I might not 'feel' like I am in better shape but there is no denying that I am faster.

I had an absolutely brutal swim tonight. It was not only mentally but physically taxing. 2x2000y with a small break in the middle. Ugh. I had an idea what to expect so it was one of the few workouts that I went into with an expectation. I went 33:00 in the first set and 33:22 in the second. I am fairly certain that I could have gone faster in the second set but I lost my mental focus. The amazing thing is that I never really felt like I pushed it. I was set on cruise control for the most part...keeping it in my comfort area.

While swimming, it got me thinking about swimming last season. There is no denying that I am swimming faster this season...but by how much? The actual number isn't all that important. Instead, I can recall two particular swims last season that I felt were 'breakthrough' swims. I was curious how today's swim compared to two of my best swims from last year.

6x500 (9.23, 9.15, 9.12, 9.20, 9.12, 9.38)
3x1000 (18.40, 16.54, 18.07)

Last year, I was ecstatic about these swims. This year, these swim would be horrible. In my first set today I went 4x500 (8.09, 8.18, 8.14, 8.20) That is nearly a minute faster for each set. And to think that I definitely held back. I love to see improvements.

The positive is that I am on target to go 1.10.00 at IMFL. That seems really doable. In fact, I will probably be disappointed if I don't go that fast.

The Road to Florida begins.....

Four hard weeks. That is about all I need to endure. It began last week with my first real week of training in quite some time. This was the first week in probably six months that I hit everyone of my workouts. This was the first time in over six months that I put in 10+ hours of training.

Week in Review:

Monday--Rest day
Tuesday--2300y in the pool as 16x100 hard
Wednesday--3000y in the pool as 5x300 and 5x150; 23 mile ride with Coach Dan
Thursday--3.5 mile run easy with Coach Dan
Friday--3300y in the pool as 5x500; 10 mile ride
Saturday--1400y in the lake continuous; 81 mile ride
Sunday--5 mile run in the morning; 5 mile run in the evening

Swim: 10,000 yards
Bike:114 miles
Run: 13.5 miles
Total time: 11h 39m.

I am thrilled with this. The best part is thus far, my body is feeling good coming off that week. I thought I would be dying for some recovery. But I am not. The numbers are well below where I really need to be for this part of the season but I am happy to be at this point. I will take what I can get right now.

The next few weeks bump me up to 14-16 hours. That will be the key. I hope I am on the right path for a good race at Florida!!!

Sleep and Recovery

Sleep. I have always had a love / hate relationship with this topic. I am way too high strung to spend the day in bed lounging around. I have established a routine that revolves around waking early and getting my body to react to working out. My unlike many of my training counterparts, I have long lacked the ability to nap.

For as long as I remember, napping hasn't come easy. In college, I wasn't one of those that came back to my room and crashed. If I was up, I was doing things. This issue is still prevalent today. It simply amazes me that I can get 5.5 hours of sleep, pound out 5-6 hours of training and still not be able to fall asleep. Today I did everything possible. I cut down the air, grabbed a blanket, turned on the fan and just tried to relax. For 30 minutes, I 'rested my eyes.' But resting my eyes merely means closing them. There was no sleeping.

Sleep has been on a my mind quite a bit lately. A lot of research surrounds the impact it has on the body particularly as it relates to workout recovery. Most people look at it from a simplistic perspective...a sleep routine is good. But more important is what goes on inside your body. When you sleep your body is in hyper-recovery mode. Around the 60 minute mark, the body begins releasing a growth hormone that instantly attacks damaged tissue. Since the body is nearly 50% muscle tissue, the secretion of this hormone is crucial to repairing all the micro-tears. This is why napping is that much more important. Read the training plans of a few professional triathletes and you will see 2 hour naps in the middle of the day.

To bring this full circle, sleep and I have been getting along lately, despite my inability to nap. I have commented a few times in the past weeks that my body seems to be craving sleep. I am going to bed early and sometimes sleeping much later than usual. I am not naive to think that this doesn't have something to do with the stress in my life and the increase in training. But what I find particularly interesting is the improvement in my ITBS injury.

Without wanting to overstate things, I feel like things are improving. My massage therapist said it was still a mess but better. My chiropractor is dumbfounded because the area demonstrated a great deal of repair since my last visit. Could it be sleep? Well all I know is that I have been getting more sleep lately than I have in years. I hope the literature is right and the hormones are repairing the tissue running down the side of my right leg.

Countdown to IMFL

I think it is about that time. As we begin to countdown the days until the election, lest we not forget that the bigger question is how fast can I finish Ironman Florida. While all the attention may be on the Obama-McCain flap, or even what a poor choice Palin may prove to be, I dare say that my Ironman time might have a stronger bearing on the future of this country! Well, at least from my perspective. If that counts for anything.

So the countdown is on! Less than 45 days and I am feeling more motivated than I have in a long time. I am still pumped up about getting in the water that morning. I just need my body to hold up for the next 30 days.

What does the next 30 days hopefully hold? An all out assault on training. Coach Dan is holding nothing back. He is more determined than ever to break me. If things go well I will race in two weeks down in the Jacksonville area. Then the next day, I am riding back to Atlanta. Literally. Well at least some of it. 90+ miles hugging I-95 from Jacksonville to Savannah while Coach Dan yells through a bullhorn to ride faster!

If I hold up this will be the first week in probably six months that I have solidly training. It is Thursday so outlook is good. I just need to be smart, listen to my body and keep channeling positive energy!!!

Need to find me? I will be at the pool or on my bike. Probably not running too much.

Motivation, Goals and Rewards

I spent a great deal of time this past week thinking about what motivates me in this sport. I have often said that this sport brings out the best and worst in people. Finishing is never enough. Getting better is never enough. There is an endless pursuit of perfection. It ranges from the beginner all the way to the Ironman World Champion. There are so many variables in the equation to pull off a great race, training session and season. Sometimes your reward is setting a personal best in a race. But the euphoria is short lived as you begin agonizing and second guessing how you could shave a few seconds here or how next time you will get your run down an extra minute.

As I stated in a previous blog, training for my second Ironman has proven to be a difficult feat. I don't have that instinctive fear. My legs don't quiver in horror at the thought of racing 140.6 miles. I have the confidence I need. Instead, the motivation, goals and rewards are different. Last year my motivation was to overcome the adversity of training and finishing what I view was a monumental task. In that case the end (finishing) justified the means (training). As I move forward with more Ironman races, I can't help but to wonder if the opposite is true. Have the means (training) justified the end (finishing).

Training is a way of life now. Last year it was something I had to do in order to get myself to the finish line. This year, in part, it is what I love. Sure it still has meaning, but the confidence and experience play a much larger role. I know exactly what it takes to finish a race in a desired time. My goals and rewards have also significantly changed. I had a very aggressive time goal for Ironman Florida. That is no longer there but I still have an semi-aggressive approach to the race. The reward? I am not sure yet. I don't know if it will feel the same or feel different than last time. Guess I will foreshadow a blog.

All this came to head on Sunday at the Music City Triathlon. I was stoked about racing again. I popped out of the bed that morning and I was ready to get my tri-on. Excluded Belgium, I hadn't raced in over 3 months. And since I don't count Triple-T, this would really only be my second race of the year. But tri-gods had a different idea.

Hurricane Ike was sending horrible conditions our way. The tranquil nature of the lake produce white caps. Fine. So the course will be a bit more challenging. I am ready for this. A few waves go off and more chaos ensues. The buoys become unhinged and fly off course. Now you have swimmers going in three different directions. The race director had lost control of the race. Time for Plan B.

They decided to implement a duathlon style race on the bike-run course. 27.1 mile bike followed by a 6 mile run. Ummm....no thanks. Given the conditions and format, I can't see this being fun at all. Put more importantly, I don't see this being beneficial.

I agree that you learn something new every race. But there comes a point in your career where the risk outweighs the rewards. For me, there was no great reward awaiting me at the finish line. Even if I pulled off a great bike and run, it would just be another finish. And the recovery time would be a few extra days. Instead, I choose to pack my backs, head home, still score a solid workout and focus on recovery.

I don't know what the word is to describe it. Maybe confidence? Experienced? Focused? I spent some time wondering what now separates me from the numerous beginners, more experienced athletes (or the old version of me) that made the decision to stay in the race. I think what it comes down to is that I have reached a point in my triathlon career that enables me to make rational decisions and keep my vanity at bay. I didn't need that race. I didn't need another medal. I didn't need another ranking, time, number next to my name. It was just a warm-up, a tuner, in preparation for IM FL. I was standing in the water ready to race. That, quite possibly, gave me the same euphoric feeling as crossing the finish line.

Right now my focus is on IM FL. I have my motivation, I have my goal and I look forward to crossing the finish line and receiving my reward.

I am racing this weekend!!!!

Yippee Skippy!!! Coach Dan approved me to race this weekend. I am excited and scared at the same time. I know I need to race again prior to Ironman Florida. Typically, I would race a half-ironman about 4-6 weeks out. This would allow me to go through a checklist for racing. I would test my nutrition plan and get it dialed in for the Ironman.

But given everything that has occurred this season, I have grown weary of racing a HIM. I am running out of time. Plus I feel that racing 13.1 miles might put me at jeopardy and not able to fully recover in time. This is a bit disappointing because I really like the 70.3 distance.

Alas, I have felt that I need to race again. I really haven't raced much this season. My last tri was the first week of June. I feel like I need a run through to mentally dial in for Florida. Plus, when I thought about this race, I began to get excited. I love racing. I miss racing.

This is all part of my plan to push out negative energy. I am hoping this race will rejuvenate me a bit. It will remind me why I love this sport. It will catapult me into wanting to train again.

I don't expect to do too well. My goal is to prepare for Florida and that means I try to have a good swim and kill the bike. The run? Well shit happens and we will see if I can muster together 6 miles of something on Sunday.

Motivation & Ironman Florida

Yesterday I did something that I haven't done in a long time. I simply did not train. Sure I miss workouts here and there but more often than not, life gets in the way. Yesterday...I simply didn't want to train. I did not WANT to get on my bike for three hours. It was hot outside and that made me cranky. I caved at the thought of riding at least 1.5 hours. I let the negative energy defeat me.

Staying motivated is one of the most difficult things an athlete has to endure. In the case of an Ironman, ones training plan begins 4-5 months before the actual race. Put the Ironman at the end of the year and that makes the season even longer. When I think about it I am amazed that I have held it together for so long. I ultimately started training back in November. I began racing in February with a half marathon. That makes for a long season. Add an injury and it is easy to see why I feel very defeated at times.

I spent a couple of hours thinking about motivation last night. I sat down and watched the Kona 2007 video for some additional inspiration. I began asking myself if I really want to race Ironman Florida, what needs to happen between now and then. I need to refocus my mental drive and force out the negative energy.

The easiest answer is to get healthy. That is easier said than done. The injury is definitely a source of negativity. It burdens me day in and day out. So in the coming weeks, I am going to work with Coach Dan on this issue. If this is going to be a limiting factor in my training how close can I toe the line with no running and still compete in November. If running is a source of my stress and negative energy then I need to do what I can do to minimize it.

Acceptance. Ironman Florida is going to suck. That may sound negative but it is realistic. I need to accept that the race is going to take a lot out of me mentally, physically and definitely emotionally. I need to let go of my time goals and accept that in my condition there is no way I can race at the level I want. There may be room for a PR but that will take a lot.

Surround myself with postive people. This sounds like a no brainer but my support team will be even more important down the stretch so that I can make this happen.

Find motivation from other sources. Last year, I used all kinds of motivational techniques. Why haven't I employeed any of those this year. I know that I mentally respond. I need to direct my energy in that direction.

Training for your second or third Ironman is a difficult feat. Your first is the easiest. It sounds counterintuitive but the reality is that fear drives you that first time. The second and third and fueled by pure personal motivation. For instance, what pushes an athlete to improve on his or her time when s/he already knows how little is needed to finish? That is the ultimate question. I am about to embark upon my last 6-7 weeks of training. I need to channel out all the negative energy and focus on what I can accomplish and improve upon. I need to accept the obstacles in my way and do what I can to avert them. And then I need to show up on race day and get in the damn water.

August Totals

August's totals:
Bike:	20h 45m 47s - 385.27 Mi
Run:	7h 06m 07s - 46.05 Mi
Swim:	5h 11m 04s - 15100 Yd

2008 totals
Bike:	147h 15m 43s - 2627.94 Mi
Run:	75h 43m 33s - 524.76 Mi
Swim:	62h 56m 49s - 183966.3 Yd
Strength:	7h 10m
Yoga:	7h 40m

This was a much better month than the previous two. While I am still less than thrilled, I am moving in the right direction. Despite traveling nearly half the month I did manage to surpass my 2007 totals for both biking and swimming. This month might allow me to surpass my 2008 goals in those areas. too.

Next Steps

The end of the year is in site. And I couldn't be happier. My body is recovering from Belgium. It is still a slow process but once I get back in town I can resume my weekly doctor visits. I think I need to be aligned, in a bad way.

Ironman is just over three months away. From some perspectives that scares me. From others I know that I will be just fine. At this point, it is just too hard to figure out what my body will allow me to do. I have resumed working out. I rode 67 miles on Saturday on a hilly terrain. I was tired but I felt pretty good. I am looking forward to building my endurance more on the bike. I am looking forward to the five hour rides and the 120 miles on the weekend. I am looking forward to seeing what my legs will really do.

The big question still surrounds my knee. My running is still a mystery. I ran twice in the past week. One hurt and one didn't. I was able to run an hour at a VERY slow pace without agitating the knee. I made it through 90 minutes in Belgium so that provides a slight glimmer of hope. But I did that prior to cycling. The issue still remains that if cycling irritates the knee at all, then I find myself incapable of running off the bike.

So I don't know what to think about Ironman Florida at this point. I really don't want to train if I don't stand a chance of racing anywhere near my ability. I also don't want to race for 6.5 hours only to walk the entire marathon. That doesn't sound fun.

I am going to give the knee two weeks. If I don't feel that I am improving then I think the best thing to do is call off Ironman. It will enable me to shut down the season early, maybe race a few sprints and start the recovery process.

Plus, I am already looking forward to 2009! I am excited about the goals I am setting for myself.

ITU LC Duathlon World Championships

Race day could not arrive soon enough. I had promised myself that by midnight on Friday, I would start focusing on the race and put the shenanigans to the side. I also started taking some medication that day to help with the ITBS inflammation. The side effects were substantial. I made it to bed in due time but sleep was as distant as the far east. The steriod was causing major anxiety. I could actually feel an elevated heartrate. The elevated heartrate led to an increase in bloodflow and my core temperature to rise. All this as I was trying to get to bed.

I spent most of Saturday waffling around with fellow teammates. I had to register and prep that bike. It was a slow process. The afternoon was full of team events. We had our team photo around 3 pm and then were shuffled down to the pre-race briefing. Following that was the Parade of Nations. It was totally cheesy but entertaining. Then it was time for dinner. I selected a bland cheese pizza as to not upset the GI gods. Then off to bed!

It was an anomoly but my race wasn't until 1:30 in the afternoon. This will mess with you in a number of ways. First, who really wants to race in the middle of the day. Second, it leaves hours of axiety. What in the world do I do with all my nervous energy. Finally, it throws off the eating schedule. I have spent hours perfecting my pre-race meal. This throws a huge wrench in the plan. Nevermind that I am in a foreign country and the foot is drastically different.

I woke up around 6:30 that morning. My plan was to eat around 7:00 am. I wanted to focus of fruits, breads and a bit of protein. I then finished prepping the bike. The morning was really cool and rainy. Of course, I didn't bring any cold gear to the race. And really didn't want to worry about riding over the wet cobblestones that encased the middle of town. I kept most of my nervous energy at bay by pacing and watching the morning race.

Around noon, I made the trek to transition. It was time to go into race mode. I slipped on the ipod, found some loud techno and began to enter the zone. I went off by myself for a few minutes and began to stretch out. Given the volatility of my knee, I wasn't sure if I wanted to do a jogging warm up but I took in a few strides. Shortly after 1:00, I made my way to the corral and offered encouraging words to my fellow teammates.

At 1:22 pm, the gun went off. The course was four 4.5k laps through town that included a circle around the square and a long out and back section. It was a good course to see exactly where you were in the field. Little did I know how mind numbing and mentally taxing this would become.

As mentioned in my previous blog, my goals were simply. Keep it easy and pray that the knee holds up. The key was to say in zone 2 for the first run and try to not get demolished. Z2 would put me at about 75-80% of half marathon pace or 8:15-8:30 miles. Could I really even do this after only running 12.5 miles the whole month of July????

I have the propensity to go out a bit hard in the beginning of the race but I am usually able to dial it back within the first half mile or so. Well the herd took off ahead of me and I did my best to try to keep up. Occasional glances at my watch indicated that I was running faster than anticipated.

I finished mile 1 at 7:04. Oops. I haven't run that fast in months. And to make matters worse, I was fifth from last. That means of the entire field, only five people didn't go sub-7 in the first mile. Uh-oh. I think I am in over my head. There is no way I can compete with that. At mile 1.5 the professional women caught me and came soaring past me. At the out and back I could see where I was in the field. Duh...in the back. Surely they are going to slow down a bit. Mile 2: 7:50 and I am losing ground. What is worse is that I am losing the battle with my heartrate.

What is tough to stomach is getting your ass handed to you in a race. To think that I qualified for this race and I am not the least bit competitive. Not in the least bit. And by mile 2. I can blame the injury all I want but I was not really mentally prepared for this.

On my second lap, I have officially been lapped by the pro men. 30 minutes into the race, I am mentally defeated. I am trying to save face but I really don't know how. I have slowed to my race pace of about 8:15 but I am still running way out of zone. This is going to be ugly.

The back is a really lonely place. Another teammate and I are pacing off one another. Our heads are up only enough to look forward. It is silent and deserted in the back. To make matters worse, the last place guy, who is about half a mile back, has a cyclist following him to indicate the end of the race. On the long out and back, I actually see this. I am that close to being last.

I am trying to make the best of it as I pass through town and face other teammates cheering us along. I really debate if I should just pull out of the race and not deal with the lengthy recovery that will be required. But I have come too damn far.

On lap three, my knee is slowly starting to agitate me. But more important my iliopsoas is not happy. I have dealt with this before. I alter my gait and keep slugging through. The final 2 miles were pretty brutal. In the past 90 minutes I ran almost as far as I did in the past 30 days.

I made it to my bike. Well I had no problem finding my bike...there were only a few in there. I took my time in transition and was off on the bike. 4 laps of 18.5k.

Finally. Now to my strength. It was time to hammer, catch people and salvage my pride and dignity. Or so I thought.

I came hammering through town and the initial rural areas. My legs were fried. 90 minutes in zone 4 running will do that to you. I just needed to find some reserves and make it happen. I pushed my small chain ring for most of the first lap. My focus was high cadence, lowering my heartrate and putting nutrition in my body. Well I was 1 for 3.

My heartrate wasn't budging. Not sure why but it was being pissy. I put nutrition back. A little too much. I rode with a bottle of Infinit in my aerobottle. Mistake (damnit Dan!). I managed to take in about 300 calories in 30 minutes. That was supposed to take me at least an hour. I was suddenly really bloated.

I had ridden the course a few times so I was prepared for the technical turns and when to make a move. But I wasn't prepare for the fierce headwind. 20-25+ mph along the highway. And it was at an angle where it didn't benefit you much on the return. I finished the first lap slightly slower than I wanted.

I launched a small attack on the second lap. My HR was still through the roof and getting passed was killing me. I wasn't catching anyone. Where were the slow cyclists. When I made my first pass, I was sooper excited. It was one more person to beat.

Lap 3 was probably my best. I was still mentally engaged and I wanted to pick up the pace. I pushed and pushed. On the out and back sections I could see that I was gaining on a number of my teammates. By lap 4, I was exhausted. My HR had now spent 3.5 hours in zone 4 and sometimes higher. My legs were full of lactic acid. I was beat. I was still gaining on a few but everything hurt.

I hit transition moments behind my teammate Tim and we ran out together. The minute I got off the bike, my knee was screaming. I knew I wasn't going to be able to put together much of a run. I was just hoping that I put enough distance between me and a few others that I won't be dead last.

The first mile was tough but I made it through. At some point during mile 2, I allowed myself to walk and it went downhill from there. I was spent. My HR plummeted because I was behind on nutrition. I put together a walk-run process trying to get to the finish line. The first lap came and went. With each and every step, I knew I was closer and closer to the finish line.

Being back of the pack is rough. I have never had to experience this before. It is a ghost town out there. Aid stations are just stocked. Sometimes there are no volunteers. The crowd is all at the finish line. Competitors are far and few between. It is silence. Just you and your thoughts.

I hobbled through the final lap at a slow and casual pace. I was going to finish. I made it to the finish line ramp and can't even recall if I jogged up. I know I slowly walked back down. It was finally over.

I came, I saw, I got my ass kicked.

Run 1: 11.4 miles 1:33:38 (8:13 pace)
T1: 1:03
Bike: 46.1 miles 2:13:50 (20.7 mph)
T2: 0:58
Run 2: 5.6 miles 56:19 (10:04 pace)
Total time: 4:45:48

Belgium Race Plan

Being injured really sucks. I can't express how much I am NOT looking forward to this race. As much as 36 hours before I departed, I am sitting in a doctors office (yet again) wondering if I am going to race. I am onto cortisone shot number two. This time he is pinpointing the IT band. This needle reminds me of the Empire State Building. Is he really going to penetrate my knee with that thing?

He tells me this is going to hurt more than last time. His plan of attach is to lift the tissue off the femur to get the cortisone underneath. Thanks. I can literally feel him lift the tissue...wow...this is like surgery sans anesthesia. I can't recall a pinpointed pain like that.

So there we go. At this juncture I don't even know if I will be able to race. My race goals have been minimized from lofty times to simple terms.

1. Make it to the bike (finish run 1)
2. Have fun on the bike and catch up
3. Finish the race

Never have I been faced with taking a DNF in a race. Will I make it one lap on the run? Will I make it to the bike? Will I be able to run afterwards? Who knows. Too many variables right now. My leg feel completely bruised. I hope to be able to compete. And I hope to not make a complete ass of myself too.

Get on the Damn Plane

It is amazing how quick this race arrived. I knew it was close but life kept creeping in and diverted my focus. The onset of my injury only complicated matters even more. Life + injury developed a negative mindset about it all. I didn't want to go on the trip. My focus quickly shifted from racing in a World Championship race to that of figuring out some of life's greatest mysteries.

I have never been one to shy away from controversy or taking on too much. I tend to perform best under a bit of pressure. However, pre-Belgium I hit my max. A few weeks ago, I seriously thought I was on the brink of a breakdown. Once those clouds began to part, the true stress of life set in. I was overextended.

I had a grande plan a few months ago. It was about to play out but there were and endless number of complications and problems. The biggest problem--I was running out of town. Out of the blue, work became extremely busy at a time when I needed flexibility. My lease was up on my apartment and my plan to purchase a home fell through. I couldn't come to terms with signing a lease. Plus, I HAD to move by the time I left. Additionally, I was trying to end a relationship with a woman that chose to use a vulnerable time to go psycho on me. Great. A vacation is what I need....but not to Europe to race.

I forced Coach Dan to come over before I left. I was freaking out about the race. I couldn't perform simple functions like packing and planning strategy or nutrition. I was paralyzed. The great thing about hiring a coach is that you pay someone to think for you. This has been a learning process as I haven't wanted to let go of the decision making. But that's his job. He got me set for the race...prepping me mentally and physically. I just needed to get everything done and get on the damn plane. That was my mission...just get on the damn plane.

The days leading up to the departure were pure hell. I had logistical nightmares left and right. My storage unit reservation was canceled without my knowledge. Imagine dealing with that 3 hours before your movers show up. I called an attorney friend because I thought for sure I would be arrested for going ape shit on the manager.

Moving took much longer than I ever anticipated. Despite hiring movers the crap never ended. I went to bed at 3 am the night before I departed and woke at 5:30 the morning working for 6 straight hours.

My boss called a 4 pm staff meeting the day before I departed. I needed that afternoon to finish all the little stuff.

Poor Dan had to deal with me at 11 pm the night before help me breakdown my bike and pack it. Flying with your bike is a scary process. Thousands of dollars carefully stuffed into an oversized piece of luggage. And you know how they handle luggage.

How bad was my anxiety the day I was leaving? How about I had to buy new running shoes on the way to the airport. My other pair put a blister on my foot the day before I left. I put the shoes on and walked out of the store with them one because I was packed to the max.

Then I had a meltdown at the airport. I had to put one thing into my bike box. I couldn't get it open. Seriously. I couldn't get it open. I managed to wedge it open enough to slide what was needed. Then I couldn't close the final clasps. Wow. I really can't believe Homeland Security didn't arrest me on the spot. I was loosing it. I couldn't get the box all the way closed. Thousands of dollars worth of carbon fiber had wiggle room. Not good. It was less than two hours until my flight and I had to let it go. I was spent. If I could have just sat in the parking lot and produced tears I would have flooded Atlanta.

Fuck it. I was done physically and mentally. I made it to through security without causing a scene. I made it to my gate in one piece. And I got on the damn plane. Time to go to Belgium