Long Rides, Kettlebells and a 10k

That felt like one of the longest weekends in quite some time. And there is NO doubt, this is the sorest I have been probably since my first Ironman. And I fear it will get a bit worse before it gets better. However, vacation is a few days away so I think the beach should provide ample opportunity for recovery.

The pain began on Thursday with a lactate threshold test. Warmup hard for 10 minutes then all out for 8 more. I managed to hold a 6:40 pace for the duration of the test. And for the first time in nearly three years, my LT actually went up about 5 bpm. My only regret was that I conducted the test in the morning and then had a conference the rest of the day. I was wiped out by dinner.

I headed to Nashville on Friday. I have asked Dan to make a number of changes to my training plan. One of the first changes was to incorporate more pace based training instead of isolated heart rate training. This was one of my first opportunities as I set out on an easy 5 mile run.

Saturday was 2:15 in the saddle, simulating race pace. I hit the road early and rode hard. The downside of riding in Nashville is the terrain. I haven't trained on hills in quite some time so I find it really difficult to have good rides up there. I feel like I never get into a solid groove. This one was a bit different. I was able to hold my watts and find the energy to get through the ride.

I was a bit beat on Sunday from the hard ride. The plan was to drive up to Clarksville to participate in the Clarksville Rotary Annual Metric (62 miles). The course is billed as the nation's fastest due to the flat terrain. My plan called for 3 hours so I was looking forward to the fast, flats. Well Jess and I arrived shortly after 7 am and were the only people in the parking lot. Apparently the ride was yesterday. Oops. My bad.

I was still determined to ride so I looked at the cue sheet to see if I thought I could still pull off the 62 miles. It had a few too many turns for my comfort. So we looked at the map and routed our way back to Hendersonville via country roads. And wouldn't you know that it started raining the minute I put on my helmet.

My plan of attack was to hammer the flats to gain time and distance while I could. Needless to say, riding east put me in the direction of the ridge in the middle of the state. The flats weren't there after a few miles. Jess was gracious enough to sag the ride. Due to many of the unmarked turns, she was there pointing me in the right direction.

Well the rain didn't stop for the entire first hour. I did what I could and was still managing to have a good ride. The funniest part was the rural, farm road that was littered with cattle. Jess comes roaring down in here SUV and it doesn't disturb a sole. I come by on my 17 pound bicycle and the cattle scramble. I can only laugh at the situation.

I kept pushing the pace despite the weather and terrain. I was begining to wear thin. My pace and power were beginning to slip from the fatigue. I made the decision to get off the bike at the 2 hour mark. I just wanted to lie down and dry off.

That afternoon, Jess and I went to the gym to workout. I knew I would regret the decision but I went through the kettlebell routine with her. About an hour and nearly 100 squats, swings and lifts later I was wiped out. I was sore in leg muscles that I didn't know existed. And I knew I was hurt the next day.

Though reluctant, I allowed Jess to talk me into doing a 10k on Monday morning. I hate running 10ks because it is nothing more than a 6 mile threshold run. Dan gave me a prescribed workout so that I could work on pace so I knew I wouldn't be setting a PR. I went through a brief warmup and couldn't believe how sore my core was when I tried to run...glutes, groin, lower back.

I did what I could in the run. I went out a bit hard during the first mile and that set the tone for the day. I just tried to maintain the pace. At the four mile mark, I tried to push. My lower body was too sore. Usually it is my head that won't let me push. I felt fine there. Heartrate was up but not through the roof. My legs just hurt. I kept digging for more effort and I got a little more out of the body. I crossed the finish line around 50:25....easily 4 minutes off my pr but good enough for 3rd place in my age group, lol. The best part is that I turned back and went to find Jess and pushed her as she finished an awesome 5k and achieved her goal.

Needless to say, my body is beat. I soaked in a long hot bath for a while and took a nap. I need to get through tomorrow's workout and I can look forward to recovery on the beach.

Ironman Burnout

In thinking through my motivation issues this year, I have developed what I would like to call the Ironman Burnout syndrome. Before you stop reading, it isn't quite what you think. There are two ways this can play out. Certainly, one can burn out from training long all the time and focusing only on Ironman. The other way, as I see it, is to complete an Ironman TOO early in your triathlon career.

I did my first Ironman 18 months after I purchased my first bike. I did my second nearly 18 months after the first. The gained me a number of accolades, popularity and notoriety among friends. But what does all that mean now? This is why I STRONGLY encourage beginners and other athletes to take their time to reach the Ironman status. Getting there too early sets you up for a rocky road the rest of the way.

For me, it has helped to create a condescending attitude. I don't look at a half-iron race with the same fear as I view the 140.6 miles. I don't have the same excitement. It is just half of what I have completed twice. I mean, I have done an Ironman...what is half of one to me. That attitude is evident.

The thing about rushing the Ironman process is that your return down the ladder isn't near as rewarding. When you are climbing the ladder you fear each new distance. You tackle training with a different mindset as the prospect of a new goal or challenge awaits you. The payoff of crossing the finish line provides a whole new physical and emotional reward system. I remember this feeling. I remember bonking in Chattanooga during my first olympic. I remember struggling at SC Half on my quest to cover 70.3 miles. I recall the euphoria the accomplishments brought me.

But once you achieve success at the top of the ladder, what do you have to look forward to? How pumped up do you get about doing a sprint? How do you carry the motivation and intensity forward when you don't fear the distance? I said the other day that I should just sign up for another Ironman. That way I would be more motivated to train. (must....not....sign...up)

It stands to reason that one should perfect their racing at a particular distance before progressing to the next. I give this advice all the time. Want to do a full-iron? How is your half? Do you race that well or do you break down? Do you think doubling the distance will yield different results? Unfortunately, no one listens. I didn't so I can't blame them. So now I am stuck going back to perfect the shorter distances. That isn't exactly glorifying.

All this boils down to changing my mindset. I am shifting from racing to complete to racing to compete. The things that motivated me in the past no longer work. I need to search within and around me to find motivating stimuli. I need to change the way I train on a weekly basis to stress both my body and mind. I need to remain focused on the bigger picture of what I am trying to accomplish instead of shirking the responsibility.

All of this because I did an Ironman too early in my triathlon career. I reached the pinnacle of the sport and found success. The achievement makes success at the lower levels even more difficult to see. It requires a change in mindset. It forces me to alter my philosophy and way I approach the sport. Once I alter that mindset, hopefully, I can re-enter the path of progression in the sport.

Georgia Cup Time Trial #5

Saturday definitely marked a good to great day. I was given an option to go on an easy 1.5 hour training ride or follow my race schedule and give a time trial another go. Despite the foul weather, I left town around noon and headed up to Gainesville to take part in the Georgia Cup #5 time trial. I really like racing with this group. It is really a testament to how races were back in a day. There is a guy with some numbers, a table and a computer. That is about it.

I was still struggling a bit with recovering from Gulf Coast but I thought this would be the better workout for the weekend. And despite my fatigue, I warmed to the idea of taking out some frustration on the bike. I arrived shortly after one. The weather wasn't cooperating. It would rain then the sun would make it hot. Humidity was though the roof.

I reluctantly brought my trainer with me. All the cyclist set up shop under the elementary school's awning. The downside of course was that no breeze came through. I hopped on the trainer for about 15 minutes before I reached my threshold point. I focused on just getting warmed up enough. I was warm enough, I was drenched in sweat. I then hopped off and went for a quick spin on the open roads.

The course was a simple out and back on country roads. The terrain was gently rolling with no major sustained climbs. I had an idea of how long it would take me so I mentally divided the race into quadrants. Looking at my power, it worked out pretty well.




As usual, I started out a bit hard. I knew when I hit the two mile marker, I was flying. By four miles, I was feeling good. I can tell that I backed off during the second part of the race. I was pushing it but not quite as hard as I was.

When I hit the turn around I was a bit winded. Plus, I could see how many people were close to me. At this point I had been passed once but others were gaining. I picked it back up a bit on the return. When passed, I tried to pace off him. This seemed to work for a few minutes but in the end, my legs simply didn't have the power in them.

The final stretch was uphill. I ran out of gas at the 45 minute mark. You can actually see where my power dipped as I let out a huge sigh and tried to refocus. I pushed hard up the hill but I was pretty spent at that point. Fortunately, I didn't have to run after this ride.

I really enjoy these events because it breaks up the monotony of training. However, they are VERY humbling. It kills me to know that I had a 2-3 minute headstart on someone only to have them blow by me as if I was standing still. What I try to keep in mind is that a lot of these guys are pure cyclists. They don't train for the swim or run. I am sure if I was able to devote 4-6 more hours to the bike, I would be up there too.

Results:
Time-50:20
Distance: 19.6 miles
Speed: 23.4 mph
Watts: 235
AG Rank: 3/4
Overall: 13/32

Going from Good to Great

We all have different perspectives on this sport. Those perspectives drive us to different opinions of what fast, front of the pack or great might be. If you recall, a few weeks back I blogged about Training With Perspective. I have spent a great deal of time thinking through perspective and how to use it to help define my season. I would also like to thank the numerous people with whom I have discussed this exact topic.

I have struggled with defining exactly what I want to accomplish this season. I thought it was sub-5. I thought it was securing a Clearwater spot. I thought it was simply getting faster. All of those goals still remain with me. However, at the core is a more demanding goal....going from good to great.

We all have different perspectives of what great is. For some it is winning Kona. For others, it is qualifying for Kona. And some it is finishing an Ironman faster. All are drastically different outcomes but they all share the desire to perform at a higher level.

Some time back I wrote a unpublished blog about Craig Alexander, the 2008 Kona Champion. In his 2007 Kona debut, he pulled off an amazing 2nd place finish in 8:19:04. While I have no doubt his excitement lasted, I imagine there is no worse feeling than falling second in a championship race. You are the first loser. He returned in 2008 with one goal and one goal only...to win.

What amazes me is not that Crowie won the race. Instead it is how he approached it. I can't even begin to put into perspective the depths of his training the next year. The hundreds of hours sweating and bleeding. He shows up to Kona, races and puts up a time 80 seconds faster than last year. ALL that work over the season just to shave 80 seconds off your time. But that 80 seconds guided him to victory. He went from good to great (maybe immortal) with just 80 seconds.

I think most of us all agree Crowie is already at that great stage. I am sure he often thinks of himself there too. However, I have no doubt that when he made the leap from 70.3 to 140.6 he asked himself what will it take to go from good to great at this distance?

I find myself in the same boat, albeit a paddle boat to his speed boat. This season I am spending my time and energy trying to reach the next level. I know I have talent. And this is the problem. I know I can go out and race a HIM at a 5:30 level. To some that is great. And I am appreciative to many for their kinds words over the past few weeks. But to me...great only begins with busting my ass for 100% of the race. I understand that I might only improve my time by 80 seconds. I would rather go back to Gulf Coast, give it 100% and race a 5:24 than coast to a 5:25 finish

Going from good to great means changing my mindset completely. It means staying mentally and physically engaged the entire race. I remember how hard I worked in Hawaii to draft off faster swimmers. I recall when I had that ah-ha moment. I remember how I swam when I stayed mentally engaged to the buoy. I also remember looking up and being dropped when I let my mind wander. When the gun goes off I need to enter and stay in that zone.

Mentally I need to strengthen my skill set more. Next time I am passed at mile 40, I need to go with him. I can't settle for the I don't wanna attitude. I must remind myself that I will be on the bike for only 150 minutes. Each one of those matter. Physically, I need to stop relying on my natural talent. A 2:10 needs to be completely unacceptable for ME. That is a training run...not a race. I need to continue to hone and sharpen my skill set with every workout.

I am not exactly sure what great looks like. I don't know if I race a 4:59.59 if I would regard it as great. I don't know if qualifying for Clearwater would give me that feeling. I am not certain standing on the awards stage Saturday would give me that satisfaction. What I do know is that Saturday's effort did not bring great out in me. It was a good race.

I also accept the fact that I may never reach this level. I think it requires a higher level of commitment to training than I may be willing to deliver. The sport will change from a hobby to a true lifestyle. It will take a re-prioritization of a number of things. There won't be a race season, it becomes bigger than one season. It is dedication to a long term plan. It is a trust factor between the coach and the athlete that every workout prescribed is a means to that end. It is a mentality and attitude that I need to carry with in every workout. It is not settling for mediocrity because I am having a bad day.

Maybe I just found what great actually is. Maybe great is a dedication to all of these ideals. While it may appear I am there on the surface, I certainly know the commitment doesn't run that deep. I know I am not there. I guess that is the goal of the season...to strive for great and ask of myself, do you want it enough to make the commitment to these higher ideals.

Post Gulf Coast Thoughts

As many of your know, I am extremely hard on myself when it comes to many things in life. Triathlon is no different. Thus, I have mixed feelings about my Gulf Coast performance. Overall, my time was pretty competitive but by my standards I thought I raced poorly. I always like to give a race 48-72 hours to set in before I begin obsessing over the data.

Typically, I comb through the results looking for the fastest and average stats. I like to know where I ranked against the fields in each discipline. I like to take it one step further and look at cumlative times to see where I gained and lost positions. Yes...I am OCD.

More recently, I have began bench marking myself against the top 10 in my age group. I feel that this is a good barometer. And on a day where the heat destroys the field, it is critical that I remember that its not always about a time goal. On Saturday, a sub-5 race was a level that I am not capable of achieving. A mediocre (by my standards) 5:25 ends up competitive against much of the field.

Rankings:

	Overall	Swim	T1	Bike	T2	Run
Fastest	4:06	25:08:00	1:35	2:10	0:40	1;22
My Time	5:25	37:05:00	2:52	2:33	1:39	2:10
Overall Rank	164/1045	236	97	129	101	282
Men Rank	127/739	208	74	125	57	213
Age Group	23/92	31	12	19	9	38

Looking at the numbers, it actually appears to be a solid race against the field. Of course, I am not happy with my performance unless you look at it from the 100 foot view.


Benchmarks:

	Overall	Swim	T1	Bike	T2	Run
Top 10 30-34	4:49	33:33:00	2:57	2:24	1:49	1:46
My Time	5:25	37:05:00	2:52	2:33	1:39	2:10

Looking at the benchmarks gives me something to strive for. None of those results are way out of my grasp. Instead, they are pretty close to where I am. The bigger question becomes what does it take to get there?

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Grading my performance:

Overall: C
I certainly didn't push it in this race. I think I just needed to mentally get through it. I know I left a lot on the course and that is ok for this race but it leaves a ton of room for improvement.

Swim: C
I failed here. I followed feet out but I dropped off at the first sign of struggling. I really need to figure out how to stay focused for 30 minutes. Hopefully I have some opportunities in training over the next few weekends.

Bike: B+
It wasn't a bad bike by any measure. My watts were down and that was slightly problematic. But I didn't push it. I got passed around the 40 mile mark and tried to go with him. Then a backed off. I need to push harder on the bike

Run: C-
I totally sandbagged it If I got hot, I slowed down. I was ok running a dreadful pace. Hell, my pace was exactly the same at IMFL for twice the distance. I know I am capable of much more. And I know I was capable of much more on Saturday.

Mental Strength: C-
I finished and hung in there. That is the positive. I let myself settle too much in the race because I didn't want to hurt.

Physical Strength: B-
I was fatigued going into the race and that is likely where I lost my power. Looking at how I compare to the rest of the field, it looks better than a B-. But i will never be happy with my effort from a race where I walked that much.

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Overall I am very much at peace with the race. I think after NOLA, I just needed to mentally prove to myself that I am strong enough. I think GCT did its job. I feel a bit renewed whereas I was feeling burned out. I am actually looking forward to Cardinal Harbour in July (minus the heat). Hopefully this race will propel me mentally and physically to where I need to be for the rest of the season.

Gulf Roast 2009

What a whirlwind 72 hours. There was good, bad and plenty of ugly to go around. But it is over and that is what truly matters. There is a reason I never want to Gulf Coast...the heat. It always seems to fall on one of the first HOTTT (3 T's) weekends of the year. The fact that no one has acclimated to the heat contributes to the carnage that unfolds during the day. 2009 would prove no differently.

As previously mentioned, I was extremely loose before the race. I was so loose that I didn't follow any routine, I just went with it. Jess took the kids out of the school on Thursday, swung down to pick me up and we rolled down to PCB arriving shortly before midnight. Friday, I finally decided to register for the race and then hit the beach for some sun and fun. I tried to prepare for the race but I really just wanted to enjoy myself down there. For dinner, we grabbed a pizza and just chilled at the condo. Then I performed the annual shaving of the head...making sure to leave a nice mohawk in place.

I woke up at 4:45 and began putzing around the condo. I had my traditional PB bagel and a banana. My stomach was a bit distressed in the morning which rarely ever happens. It is likely attributable to all the junk food I ate on the way down there. I was out the door by 5:30 and took the short stroll down to transition. My focus for the morning was positive re-inforcement...reminding myself that I was going to have a good race. I did my thing in transition and got out of there.

The wind was kicking in the morning and the water was choppy. It wasn't horrible conditions but the swells were certainly going to push us around. I got suited up and hit the water for a few minutes of swimming. I tried to keep myself mentally dialed into the race. Finally it was time to enter to the corral and start the day.

Swim:
I lined up to the right with the plan to move to the left throughout the swim. I watched the waves prior to me and it seemed that the undertow was pushing left. When the gun went off, I went dolphining through the first group of waves. For the first 200m I felt good. I remembered what it was like to race. And then I decided to swim to Destin. I was following the feet in front of me but it seemed like I was out to sea and no where near the course. I made a few adjustments and moved more to the left. Suddenly I was inside the buoys.

I made it out to the first turn buoy feeling ok but not exceptionally strong. I could tell that I wasn't with the fast group anymore. I made my way to the second turn buoy and it felt like that....I was making my way over. No hurry in mind. I set my sites on the Boardwalk condos and cruised. I could tell I wasn't having a good swim. I was off in my own little world just trying to get through the 1.2 miles. It seemed that the last buoy was always just a little bit further.

Swim time: 37:05

Transition was the same as IMFL as you made you way up the beach, through the sprinklers and into the parking lot. I grabbed my stuff and was off. I did feel particularly fast but it seems like I got through it at a very reasonable rate.

T1: 2:52

Bike:
I didn't really know what to expect from my body today. Going into the race, my body was not peaking. Instead it was very fatigued. I had a mental plan that I wanted to execute but I kept in mind that I need to just adapt to what my body would give me. I could tell on the short out and back that it wasn't there. I had trouble getting my power up to speed and maintaining the wattage. I kept trying to relax and remind myself that I had 50 miles and the body would react.

We came zipping back through town and you could feel the northern breeze off the ocean. And you felt it between each condo where the dead space acted as wind tunnel. I struggled a great deal in the first 30 minutes to settle into aero position. It was difficult for me to find both a comfortable spot as well as the right gearing. More importantly, my stomach was really bloated and my nutrition tasted like crap. I think I drank the whole Gulf of Mexico.

As we turned up 79, I began to give it a bit more power but the numbers were still a bit low. I found a good position and gear and just focused on executing MY race. Just before the bridge, a cyclist came flying past me as if I was standing still. I sat up wondering WTF. Then I realized the nice tailwind we had. I found a few more gears and took off. I went up and over the bridge and was feeling pretty good on the bike. I reminded myself that the headwind may be my demise on the return.

The stretch on 388 was a bit lonely. The condition of the road was miserable at time. Plus it was so desolate out there. It was also at this time that I started to realize how hot it was. I knew that the key to this race for me was to not get over heated. I took a water bottle from the next aid station and dumped the entire bottle on me. I squirted it into the helmet, back of the neck and chest.

I hit the 28 mile mark and was feeling good despite my power numbers being about 10-20 watts lower than where I wanted them to be. At the turnaround, it was much of the same. I took another water bottle to stay cool. At this point, I was growing aware of how I was slipping behind on nutrition. My stomach was having trouble processing it. I found myself very gassy. I decided to alter my plans given the problem. When I began feeling bad, I had to force some nutrition into the body, then I chased it with some fresh water and doused myself to cool off.

A couple of cyclist began catching me on 388 and I tried to go with them. I just didn't have it. The power still wasnt' there. I tried to remain calm because I was still on par for a solid ride...I took what the body gave me. When we turned back onto 79 we found a nice little headwind. It wasn't brutal like NOLA. But it was enough to slow you down a bit. I took this opportunity to try to relieve my bladder only to fail a number of times.

Though I know not to try anything new on race day, I planned on altering my nutrition plan during the last 20 minutes of the race. I had frozen a bottle of nuun so that I could up my electrolytes. And given the heat, I think it was the right call. I probably got half that bottle down during the last 20 minutes. Too bad Nuun doesn't have calories because my 1.5 bottles of infinit left me well short of where I needed to be.

Bike: 2:33.40 21.9 mph

I felt pretty good coming off the bike. While I fought off plenty of negative thoughts while on the bike, the prospect of not running wasn't there. I felt like a totally different athlete compared to NOLA. I found my rack and slipped on my running shoes. I realized that I had forgotten to put out my salt tabs. Damnit!!!! Oh well...got to roll with what I have.

T2: 1:39

Run:
I immediately found a decent pace and started pushing. My goals for the run were to stay cool and make sure that I put some calories in the body so that I didn't bonk. Jess was waiting about half a mile down the road. She gave me the race time. At that point I had to run a 1:45 to break 5 hours. Doable? Certainly. Just not today. And I was totally fine with that. The bigger key was finishing.

I pushed for the first two miles. I was on fire. I grabbed sponges at the aid stations. I doused myself when I could. At the third aid station I decided to stop. I made the choice to take in tons of fluid and try to cool down. I literally stopped in the middle of the road and drank two cups of ice water. Cold water was the nectar from the gods. All throughout the run, it was the best thing I had ever tasted. One of these days I will learn to develop a calorie rich nutrition plan that only include cold water. :)

The stop certainly cost me time put it probably saved just as much since I felt like I was overheating. I then switched to walking the aid stations. The next few were rough. I would drink anything I could get my hands on. I also began eating oranges for a few extra calories. I worried that my pace was putting me on a destructive path time wise...but I was ok with that. Mentally, I just needed to get through it.

Entering St. Andrews was brutal. There is about a 3 mile stretch with nothing but sand and asphalt adding to the miserable conditions. I continued to walk the aid stations. I also allowed myself to walk past them until I felt like my HR was down enough to start running again. At one point around mile 7, I realized that I was totally sandbagging the run. I decided to pick it up a bit and make sure that I negative split the run. I couldn't believe how easy it was for me to push the pace a bit. However, I didn't find the pace as pacifying or cooler as before so I easily slid back to the slower pace (lesson to learn here).

When I came back out of the park, I had about 4.5 miles to go. While the run time was absymmal, I knew I was still on par for a good race. And athletes weren't catching at a quick rate. I asked for a little from the body and surprisingly....it responded. My times began coming down. I had a different attitude about the race. I hit the aid stations and switched to cola to keep me pepped up. I splashed myself with more cold water and kept chugging.

In retrospect, I realize how close to bonking I was. In my mind, I was calculating my time/pace/etc. I was so far off. I couldn't do simple math. Fortunately the body and mind held up as I pushed the final three miles getting my pace well back down to sub-9. And I was shocked how easy it was (kicking myself). Of course, it helped that the race was almost over.

Run: 2:10

Total time 5:25

I hit the finishing chute feeling ok. I walked over to medical tent and asked for some ice. They gave me a freezing cold towel and an ice pack. Once I felt like my core temp had stabilized I got moving. All I wanted to do was put on dry clothes and sit down.

Overall, it was a good day...just HOT. It wasn't a pr. I consider my performance poor by my standards. But given the conditions, I put up a competitive time. I also adapted and adjusted throughout the day. That was something I didn't do in NOLA. Sure it slowed me down, but mentally, I just needed to prove to myself that 70.3 miles was achievable.

I also give major props to the race. This might have been my favorite race experience. The aid stations had everything you need. I didn't have any problems on the course. I was more than impressed with Gulf Coast.

Gulf Coast Mindset

All is calm in the world of Dollar. I am putting together final preparations to head down to Panama City and race Gulf Coast (despite not being registered yet). I have spent the last 5 weeks thinking a lot about what happened in New Orleans and trying to ensure that it won't happen again.

I am very loose right now. If anything, I am too loose. I haven't even began thinking or stressing about the race. I am more anxious about getting down there than anything. The good thing is that I know this course. I was there in November. I remember the feeling very vividly. So this puts a very positive connotation in my head.

Also, I am trying really hard to not put any pressure on myself to perform. And this is a double edge sword. On one hand, I know I am not peaking for the race so I need to focus on going out and just executing what I can. However, I still have the same time goal...sub-5. I have no clue if I am able to achieve this. I know I am capable of it but it might not be on Saturday. I was there for New Orleans just not certain now.

The bigger conundrum is will I be able to push myself at all on Saturday. I am so relaxed about the race that I am concerned that I won't push through the pain. This time I am fine if I go 5:05 or 5:30 or 6:00. I am going to let the cards fall as they may. Moving past the New Orleans incident is probably the more important lesson here. But will that satisfy me? Have I become complacent again?

I don't know what will happen on Saturday. Generally, I feel good going in. I like that I still have expectations but I am not obsessing about things. I don't feel any pressure. We will see if that is the right mindset or if it only produces a mediocre race.

Knee Issues, Big Peach 5k and Gulf Coast

There is a lot going on right now in my world. Training has been average over the last few weeks. I haven't really pushed the pace but instead held the status quo. On Thursday I set out on my typical running intervals workout and had a nasty wakeup call. On my second of three intervals, I could tell that my right knee was getting a bit stiff. I hoped it was just because I was pushing it up the hills and hadn't fully recovered from the weekend's race. On the third interval it stopped my dead in my tracks. My IT band was killing me.

I tucked my tail between my legs and walked home. I sat around most of the night concerned that I am slowly going back down the injury route. I hopped on the foam roller a few times, I popped a few too many advil and I went to bed hoping the next day would bring me some relief.

It was up to me to try out the knee on Saturday mornng. My schedule called for a 10 mile run. I also scored a free entry into the Big Peach 5k which was held less than a mile from my house. The plan was to head out around 7 am on a six mile run. I would know within the first 20 minutes if the knee was going to play ball. I routed myself in a way that I would end my 6 mile run at that start line of the 5k and then race the 3.1 miles followed by a slow run back home.

Luckily, the knee held up. I head down and through Brookhaven while covering 5.7 miles prior to joining up with all the 5k participants. I thought this was just a small, local 5k but the 3-400 people indicated otherwise. The course was simple because it is the same route that I run nearly everyday. I didn't really have any expectations, I wanted to run hard but keep myself from going all out.

I hit the first mile at about 6:50. I felt really good but I knew the pain was coming in the form of a few hills. The second mile slowed to about 7:20. I backed off the pace going up the hill as that has been the irriation stimulant in my knee. When I hit Peachtree, I opened it up a bit more. Most people were gassed by that point so I just cruised to the finish line. Overall time 22:19 or 7:11 pace.

I am pleased with this. I haven't run an open 5k in nearly three years and I think I went 24:01 at that race. I also know that had I not run for 50 minutes prior to the race then I would have broken 22 minutes. That is the goal. I then grabbed some water and cruised back to the house. 10.2 miles in the bank.

While I have been mum on the subject, I made the decision to race Gulf Coast next weekend. When the knee flared up on Thursday it caused me to re-evalute things. But today's run gives me the validation that I need. Sadly, I learned that online registration closed last night. Just my luck. Fortunately, there is on-site registration so I emailed the race director to ensure that slots are available. Guess I will find out what I have in me next weekend.

Balance (open thread)

I have so much to talk about but I just don't seem to have the time. Today's topic is balance. This issue seems to come frequently in our daily lives. Jess and I have talked about it a lot lately too. It came up today in my mentor thread. The inevitable question is

How do you strike a balance between the sport(s) and other obligations in life? When life feels out of balance what do you do to achieve equilibrium again?

We all wear different hats as friends, parents, significant others, community volunteers, boss, employ, mentor, athlete, etc. Balancing is a very difficult act. Jess read an interesting passage the other day that basically said that multi-tasking ensures that you will never be really good at one thing. Multi-tasking is a way of life now and it does breed mediocrity in some parts of life as you shirk responsibility in favor of other obligations.

I realized all this early this morning as I looked my house and found it in shambles. Clothing everywhere, tri gear spread as if a hurricane just came through. I have also be feeling this lately at work. I feel like I am not being a good manager and employ. I am not giving work 100% because my time and energy is focused everywhere (nevermind I am blogging from work). Essentially, I am not balanced. I feel a bit stretched thin.

Consider this an open thread. How do you deal with the question posed above? Talk amongst yourselves as I try to switch back into work mode..

Oh....look....something shiny.

Scenic City Triathlon

Race day finally arrived. The funny thing was that I found myself really anxious and nervous leading up to the race. I can only believe it was facing the fear of what happened in New Orleans. In fact, I couldn't sleep the night before. I was out like a baby before Ironman and I can't sleep before a sprint. Some things I will never understand.

I spent most of the week providing positive reinforcement for my mindset. I knew it was a low key race falling on a BIG race weekend for most of the southeast. Given this, I knew the race wouldn't draw a deep field of talent. So I used this to my advantage. My goal was simple--to win the race. :) No pressure. Joking aside, I wanted to give it 100% for the entire race. And if that puts me in the front great...I would love to lead off the bike.

Jess and I drove to Chattanooga Saturday afternoon, picked up our packets and drove the course before retiring to our hotel. Morning finally arrived and I was ready to go. I ate a banana and clif bar while sipping on gatorade. Transition was open racking so I was determined to be the first there. We were the third car to arrive and I was the first bike on the rack, right where I wanted to be.

I was feeling good Sunday morning. I was loose but very focused. I took my shot of caffeine and a gel around 7 and then headed down to the water. I made sure to swim for about 10 minutes to get warmed up. The lake temp was perfect at 67 degrees. What I really love about these low-key races is the informal nature of them. There was no grand swim start. Instead, the race director yelled go. Then did it again. Finally he hit the air horn because no one was listening. Awesome.

I lined up to the far right on the front. My goal was to go hard for 600m. I wanted to come out of the water with the lead pack. Fortunately, I heard the second yell from the race director so I hit the water early and got out in front. I was sighting to my left and slowly inched over to hang with the lead pack through the first turn buoy. Somewhere over the next 50m they began pulling away. I was killing myself and nearly panic.

I made the second turn and settled into an aggressive pace but could tell that I was leading the second pack. Not good. The best position is the 2nd position. Let someone else do the work. So I slowed and let the pack come around me. I grabbed what feet I could and continued to swim beyond my ability.

I came out of the water winded and dizzy. Whew. I had never pushed that hard. The run to transition was brutal (think Emerald Point). I was sluggish going up the hill and had all kinds of trouble getting out of my wetsuit. What's up with that? As I began to reach transition I saw the leaders starting the bike. I could tell that I was probably top-15 at this point.

I found my gear and jumped onto the bike. It began downhill so I allowed myself the free speed to get adjusted. The goal for the bike was to hammer and catch everyone. Coach Dan recommended 240-260 watts for me. I just went and went hard. In the first 10 minutes I caught three people. The bike was 14 miles. I was just hoping that I could hang on that long.

I will say that the course was probably the hardest sprint course I have ever done. There were 5-6 solid hills and at that pace, you had no choice but to hammer out of the saddle. I did play it smart and dropped to small chain ring to climb up the hill. I noticed that the small pack of riders would draw closer as I climbed but I dropped them immediately on the other side of the hill. At the 20 minute mark, I knew I was still on pace for a good ride.

The back half of the course had two nice hills. The last one was brutal and dropped my cadence to about 50. Poor beginners. Jess said she saw dozens of athletes walking their bike up the hill. I didn't seen anyone. The last 6 miles were really lonely. I could see one guy about a 1/2 mile in front of me but I wasn't gaining on him enough. On the final 4 miles, I dropped the hammer and just gave it my all. I was feeling REALLY strong. Of course, I wondered if I would pay for it on the run.

I took a few peeks behind me and there was no one. I had a pretty good idea of where I was in the race. I hit transition and saw only 4 bikes. Sweet!. I grabbed my headband and wristbands (kicking it 80s style for the race) and bolted out of the transition.

I hit the run and felt the legs. I really wanted to have a good run in this race but wasn't sure it would happen after that bike. This run course was killer. It was nothing but rollers and was very technical. You started off downhill and took a hard left that required you to stop your momentum over the loose gravel. Then back up the hill and more hills.

I didn't see a soul for over a mile. No one behind me, no one in front of me. At about 1.3 miles, I saw the leader and then 3 more guys about 20s behind him. I realize at this point I was in 5th place. I just needed to hang on....I knew I wouldn't catch these guys. At another sharp turn, I saw 2 guys behind me. The first guy caught me about a minute later. I turned it up another notch...doing whatever I could to keep the next guy off.

I cleared 2 miles and tried to push with whatever I could. At 2.5 there was another big hill (it clearly broke everyone). My plan was to get to the top and then let it all out for the next 3 minutes. Imagine my surprise when I get to the top and POOF the finish line. Course was short by 1/3 of a mile. Someone forgot to put a cone out and every athlete except one cut the course. I really can't say that I am upset. I didn't want anymore hills.

Official results aren't posted. I took 1st in the 30-34 age group and likely about 7th overall. Once all that gets posted, I will blog about it. Overall, I am thrilled. Not overly excited about winning my age group. Instead, I am more excited about pushing the race so hard. I just need to learn how to run off the bike. I need to shave a few minutes off my 5k to be really competitive. But for now, I will enjoy my moment. :)

It's Race Week

WOOT WOOT!

I have a small sprint on the calendar this weekend I couldn't be more excited. It will be the first time Jess and I have ever raced together too!!!

I am a little sad that I am not racing down in Atlanta with all my friends but I realized after registering for the race that if fell on the same weekend as her birthday. So I scrambled to find another race that would suffice. Low and behold I found a small one just outside of Chattanooga. It is 600m, 14 mi, 3.1 mi.

The best part is that it is a low key, local race. There might a few hundred people IF that. I really love these small races because they aren't events. (Plus they give an inflated perspective of how fast you really are).

The other day when I was up at All3, I met a couple that were both doing the race. The husband had raced it the last two years. He loves it. Said it provides just enough of a challenge that some competition comes back but it is easy and encouraging enough for beginners.

I don't have any real strategy for the race (because Dan hasn't given me a race plan). So my expectation are to give it 100% for the 75-80 minutes it should take me. I need to swim like a shark is chasing me. Ride like it is the Tour. And run as if being chased.

The only thing I care about this weekend it putting together a good run. NO sandbagging. I honestly would like to run sub-7s. I don't know if that will happen. But I need to run and feel like my heart is going to jump out of my chest.

Week of Testing Complete

Despite not getting in my long run yesterday, I completed the week of testing and I am still intact. I should take it as a good sign that my body adapted and doesn't feel crushed. Though, my massage therapist last night asked me if I had participated in the running of the bulls since my body felt trampled. I guess I expected a lot worse.

As mentioned in my previous blog, I rode at Columns for my 20 minute Time Trial to determine my new FTP. Aside from the blood, I had a great ride and my numbers took a giant leap. The first time I ever tested was back in September after returning from Belgium. I grinded out the test in Dan's basement and averaged 250 watts. I turned around a month later and produce 240 on a hilly time trial. Then 2 months ago, I was only able to squeek out 225 at the Tundra Time Trial. The numbers for Tundra weren't that surprising given that I hadn't cycled much outside of Hawaii.

I anticipated a bit of a bump on the new FTP test. I realistically thought I would be in the margin of about 250. I thought it would be awesome to be as strong as I was when I was peaking for IM FL. Hopefully that is a good equation for success later this year. I can't say that I was shocked after the test when the numbers registered was 260 watts. That is a 13% increase from two months ago.

• 20' TT 8.01 miles 24.01 mp, Avg 260 watts, 3.43 w/kg

On Friday, I had to return to Columns to complete a V02 test. Along with the FTP, this is shorter test that allows for more analysis in developing my power zones and power potential. The test is similiar but instead of pacing a bit for 20' time trial, it is all out for 5 minutes. This time it was sans blood. I managed to average 320 watts....thus indicating I have plenty of room to raise my FTP over the next few months.

• 4:49, 2.04 miles, 25.4 mph, Avg 320 watts, 4.25 w/kg

So what does all this mean? Well that is why I pay Dan, lol. Basically it indicates that from a strength perspective I am as strong of a rider as I was back in October when I was peaking for IM FL. It also indicates I still have room for improvement. I am thrilled about the 30 watt jump but I am also VERY realistic. It isn't surprising to see such gains early in the season. However, the work it will take to get the next 30 watts out of my legs will be brutal. Each improvement from here will take a whole lot more hard work. Ideally, by the end of the season, I would like to get my FTP up to about 300w. Sounds like Columns and I will be good friends this year.

FTP Testing....to a new level

There are many times in life when I wish a camera did not catch me doing something. Yesterday was not one of those days. I only wish a camera was present to watch my FTP test unfold.

I headed up to Columns yesterday to take on another series of bike tests to determine my training zones. This was the first real test of the year. The only other time I have taken my power numbers for zones was from the Tundra Time Trial. I was certainly hoping to see a nice 10% bump in power from all the training the last two months.

The protocol is simple, warm up for about 20 minutes, 10 more riding a bit harder and then 20 minutes all out and finally a cool down. The difficulty is sustaining maximum effort for 20 minutes. You have to make sure you don't go out too fast but you can't sand bag the effort. The moniker that best describes it is that you need to have snot flying and tongue hanging out type effort.

Well I think I took that to the next level.

Yesterday was sunny but still a bit chilly. The radio reported 58 degrees so I may have been a bit under dressed for the ride. I got through my warm up just fine and began to mentally prepare for gutting out 20 minutes of 100% effort. A few minutes in, I was feeling the burn and it felt so good.

The thing about 100% effort is that you bypass taking in water. You stick in aero position and just grind. As for the snot...it was flying. It really amazes me how much mucus builds when you are going really hard. And then it happened. I guess a capillary or blood vessel burst in my nose when I cleared it.

I thought people were looking at me funny because I was going so hard out there. Nope. I thought my nose was running just a bit. Nope. It was bleeding. Not quite a river of blood but a small tributary running from my right nostril down to my mouth. I refused to acknowledge it and wait until the next turnaround.

When I reach turnaround, I wipe my nose and realize that it is a bit more blood than I originally thought. And wiping it only smeared it on my hands and face. Still no time to stop, I began pushing even more. I tend to clinch my teeth/jaw when I push hard on the bike. And wouldn't you know, I bite my lip. Now I have blood in my mouth. My spit is red too.

I finish my 20 minutes and began to cool down. A cyclists asks if I am ok. I can just laugh about it at this point. I can only imagine what it looked like to other people. So I am adopting a new moniker....no more pushing until the snot is flying. Push until you make yourself bleed. Now...if only there was a camera out there.

Weekend Musings

Not a whole lot to report here. I did as I said and cut out most of my training last week. I think it did a body good. I got in a couple of runs during the week. On Saturday I went up to Columns for an hour and grinded it out for a few laps. Sunday, I went for a 6 mile run. My body didn't feel great but my pace was swift.

In other news, I purchased some new kicks. My readers may remember my love affair with Asics Gel-Kayano. I went through 6-7 pairs of these shoes and probably close to 2000 miles. Well the affair is over. In fact it was over in January. I visited my favorite store Big Peach to discuss going a different route. We determined that the stability shoe was possibly giving me TOO much stability thus forcing my foot outward. The outward motion contributed to my ITBS situation. So I switched over to a more neutral shoe and poof many of the ITBS problems have gone away. GRRRR...

Fast forward a few weeks and it was time to purchase another pair of shoes. I am generally pleased with my Saucony Progrid Guide. However, I wanted to review all my options. I ended up buying two pairs of shoes. The Saucony Progrid Guide 2 and the Nike Zoom Structure Triax. I have decided that unless I find a shoe I love this year that I am going to mix it up a bit. I hope to purchase a pair of Zoot shoes in the next few weeks. My thoughts are that since I am not perfectly happy, why settle? Each of the shoes are slightly different and will work different muscles. Barring any pain, this should make me a stronger runner.

On another note, I have a bit fit for this week. Heading up to All3 to check out the Retul system. I am a bit skeptical but I trust Matt. He has fit me before. Hopefully he can position me better while increasing my wattage. And if he can take some pressure off of my right hip and ITBS then great.

I am still pondering Gulf Coast. I think I want to see how I respond to training this week before making the final determination. Coach Dan has me testing this week so it will be interesting to see where my numbers fall. I certainly believe they will be UP from the last test. And in other news, I will be racing just outside of Chattanooga in two weeks. It is just a small sprint. Hopefully it will be fun.

Redemption

Given Sunday's disappointment, I am finally at peace with everything that took place. As I move past a bad day I am focused on what next. What do I feel is in my best interests for the rest of the season?

I am taking this week off. I am going to train when I want. I went to the pool the other day to stretch out some. The weather is nice so I plan on taking in a run or a ride. I think I might dust off my road bike tonight and just cruise around town. Nothing stressful. The key is that I want to mentally reset. After my mental breakdown, I want to ensure that I am ready to move forward before I jump into 10-12 hours a week training.

The positive of NOLA is that my body is not trashed. I am fully recovered and could physically handle the intensity. Given this, I can't help but to wonder if I should sign up for Gulf Coast HIM. It is a month away. I wouldn't be able to peak for it but I could carry my fitness into it just fine. And, more importantly, it would provide me the opportunity to redeem myself. But that is exactly the problem.

I am spending a lot of time thinking about my motivation for the race. Is it to actually go out and have a good race or am I out to prove something to myself and other people. As it currently stands I think it is the later. After getting burned for misguided motivation, I can't help but to think that is the wrong reason to race.

Part of me gets excited about the prospect of racing. I think I can use my defeat as internal motivation to push myself in the race. I have used anger in the past to push through difficult periods. I also know the course and have fond memories of my triumph at IMFL.

The other part of me is straight scared. Scared that it will happen again. Scared of facing failure. The other night I drew a parallel to when I had my bike wreck. I remember how hard it was to get back on that bike again. I remember how hard it was to trust that bike again. I remember how hard it was to go down a sizeable hill. The race feels much of the same. I just don't know if I am ready to get on that bike again.

If I do make the decision to race Gulf Coast it needs to be for all the RIGHT reasons. I need to ensure that I can go out there a race it properly. I need to know that sub-5 can still be a goal but that it isn't the end of the world. I need to know that if it is windy that day, I can adjust and deal with it. Right now, I can only make half-convincing assumptions that it won't happen again. Being aware of my shortcomings/failures/weaknesses are vital to moving forward on this journey. But if there is a crack in the foundation then it might not serve me well to race again until I know that I am ready.

How the Levees Broke

As I have stated, I am not interested in pointing fingers or making up excuses for what happened on Sunday. I could easily hide behind the story of knee pain and say I was too scared to reinjure myself. But that is too much of a stretch. The reality is that I let my mindset beat me. My tough and rigid mentality crumbled.

Now that I have had some more time to analyze things, I am starting to understand WHY it happened. How was I capable of just giving in to failure and what do I do to prevent it from happening in the future?

1. Misguided motivation

This is the most obvious failure on my end. And to make matters worse, I have blogged about it before (here). I was motivated for all the wrong reasons. I put too much pressure on myself for this race that it left me NO room for failure. That isn't to say that I don't think I am capable of racing sub-5. However, what happened on Sunday was that I had no concept of not meeting my goal. I was SO motivated by a sub-5 race that it became a dealbreaker. An all or none proposition.

The sad thing is that I never saw this coming. For whatever reason, I was letting that time dictate everything. Extrinsic motivation was leading this wagon. In my mind there was no happiness or pleasure in pushing the swim, bike or run 100% only to go 5:02. And that is so wrong. If I give something 100% and fall short of a goal that isn't necessarily a bad thing. I can only give what my body will allow me.

2. Losing Sight of the Bigger Goal

Building on above, I completely lost sight of the goal. The goal for the SEASON is to get faster at the half-iron distance. Instead, I put all my eggs in one basket. I put it all on black and spun the wheel. For some reason, I made this race a defining one. Instead, it should have been simply my first race of the season. I needed to let it be just that...a baseline. Instead, I went out expecting to throw a complete game shutout on opening day instead of pitching a great game and securing a victory.

3. Racing with power for the first time

This was the first time I have ever truly raced with power. The times before were all out efforts where I didn't have to monitor my numbers. While I would fully expect training to take care of this issue, I never realized how taxing it is to race while being a slave to my numbers. I had a very narrow window. My eyes were locked on those numbers for 2.5 hours. It required more mental concentration than I have ever demonstrated.

In training, I had two primary long workouts. First was 2.5 hours with about 50% in z3. The other was 3x30' in z3. Both of them are race simulations training exercises. I never had trouble keeping my wattage during the training rides. But my mind did wander a lot in training. And when it did the numbers dropped. During the race it was the opposite. The amount of concentration it took to stay at my numbers was more than I was prepared for. It drained me both physically and mentally.

4. I quit before it was quitting time

Again, this is a place where I simply know better. How many of us start out on our long training runs and find the first two miles the hardest. It is when our body is not responding. And then like magic, the body responds and you take off. Amanda Lovato, on her 70.3 race this weekend, said "It goes to show, anything can happen in a longer race. Sometimes you just have to wait it out and let it work itself out."

She is dead on right. I gave up before my body had a chance to respond. My first mile was 8:47. Is that bad? It was to me when I was supposed to run 8:00. Nevermind that I have never run 8:47 at that distance. Nevermind that I didn't believe Dan when he said I would run 8:00. Nevermind that my personal race plan had me running 8:30s for the first two miles. Instead, I didn't like it. It pissed me off. And I gave in. I will never know if my body would have responded. Maybe it wouldn't have. Maybe I would end up walking 13.1 miles. Or maybe it would have responded and allowed me to run what I wanted. I will never know.

5. I didn't adjust

The swim was no doubt a bit long. Looking at the pro times, everyone seemed to be 3-4 minutes slower than normal. This makes sense now. But I didn't make this adjustment on race day. Would I be anymore content going 5:02 knowing that the course was a bit long? Well I would still be irritated but probably a bit more at peace with things. Second, I didn't adjust to the conditions of the race. I couldn't push the bike like I wanted in the wind. This, like above, culminated in defeating me mentally instead of pushing me.

The odd thing is that riding 2:37 is an 8 minute pr for me. My overall speed was extremely competitive. Instead, all I could focus on was that the winds of the course were beating me down and not letting me go as fast as I wanted. Jess reminded me that I was the second person back to my rack. I didn't even notice this. Normally that would excite me because I would have an idea how my bike compared to the rest of the field I see this now that I look at the results. All I could see was that there was no way I would make sub-5. I never adjusted mentally to anything in the race.

Finally, things didn't go my way. That morning, I didn't have an edge. I was never in the zone. I was extremely irritable instead of relaxed. I did things differently. I listened to my ipod instead of the sounds in transition. I didn't go for a small jog. Everything was a bit off for a very routine based person. My 5 hour energy drink didn't kick in like I planned for it. I was hot on the course and really hot when I started running.

In the end, each of these had a negative impact on me for the day. The bulk of what I experienced was a result of #1 & #2. I never once gave any thought to what would happen if I had a bad race. I wasn't prepared. Instead, I was ONLY focused on making that giant leap from a good athlete to a great one. In my world, failure wasn't an option. So when I realized failure, in the sense of not going sub-5 was the only option, I crumbled. Everything was sapped right out of me.

But in retrospect, I did accomplish what I set out to do. I said that I needed a race to teach me a lesson. I just didn't think there would be several lessons and a DNF. Humbling experiences are sometimes the most important ones. I think it is fair to say that I learned a lot from this experience. It is a guilt that I have to live with. The key will be applying theses lessons moving forward so that the next time the thought of quitting enters my head, it isn't an option.

NOLA 58.4

(though I didn't finish the race, I am going to still produce a race report. I am going to attempt to write it from the perspective of a race report as if I did finish. I will then come back in later blogs and fill in more about what happen).

I headed out of Atlanta Thursday night for Birmingham to stay with my parents before heading down to New Orleans. Friday morning, my mother and I began making the six hour journey through rural Mississippi down I-59. We stayed at a Bed and Breakfast on the northwest side of the French Quarter.

That evening I went to pick up Jess and attend a mandatory athletes meeting. This was the most absurd thing I have ever had to do in this sport. They would not let you pick up your race packet unless you attended one of these meetings. To make matters worse, they didn't discuss anything substantial. In fact, they gave out bad information such as saying NO garmins were allowed on the run. WTF? (reports later said he correct himself. Oops for the 300 athletes in one meeting). So packet pickup took nearly 2 hours and left me in a cranky mood. We I got back to the hotel I went for a small run to shake out the legs. That night we found an Italian restaurant where I had some fettuccine pesto with shrimp.

I managed to get a really good nights sleep and meandered around the B&B for a while. I went to pick up Tony 2Goggs and headed up to the lake for a brief workout. The lake was fine. Temperatures were good. The downside was there was NO visibility. I mean maybe 18 inches. I swam for about 15 minutes. I even jumped on a guys feet and still couldn't see them. No worries....just swim by feel. Later that afternoon, I returned to transition to drop off my bike. I must say that it was the largest transition I have ever seen. With nearly 3000 participants, transition seemed to span nearly a dozen parking lots. I am not exaggerating when I say that my rack was the furthest from the swim entrance and run exit. It felt like a quarter of a mile, lol.

I tried to stay off my feet that night but it really isn't possible in New Orleans. We walked down to a pizza joint and grabbed dinner before retiring to the room where I stayed up watching the Tar Heels play.

The alarm went off at 4:30 and I was out of bed without any problem. I was giddy as always as I bounced around the room. I ate a banana and an untoasted bagel, then drowned myself with an ensure. Yummy...breakfast of champions. Then it was time to head to transition.

I got to transition and settled pretty easily. I put my stuff down, said hello to Desiree and decided to get out of there. I never see the point of obsessing about things in transition. It only makes you more nervous. Since the swim was a point-to-point, they had shuttles heading down to the swim start. The problem was that you still had a long walk from the drop off to the start. Next time I will bring an extra pair of shoes.

I hopped in the water for a few minutes to warm up. The sun was barely up so the visibility was nil. I seriously couldn't see my hand under water. I made my way out of the water and to the corral. I was in the first wave group after the pros. We finally made it into the water and began positioning ourselves. I started left, closer to the buoy and in second position. I had a seem than I planned on exploding through to find the fast feet. The gun went off and so did we.

My first 2-300m were solid. We spread out easily. I swam over people when needed and had no problem. In fact, I would say my first 5-8 minutes were one of the best I ever had. I never looked up. I had people on both side of me and someone in front of me. I just swam with them. I continued to keep the head down and focused on the people around me so that I could draft. I wasn't sure how hard I was swimming at this point. I felt like I was being aggressive but I was also a bit winded and tired.

About the 15' mark I got dropped and strung out in no man's land. I popped out of the water looking for feet and made a move to my left as I spotted a couple of fish to swim with. The problem with the point to point swim is that you never really have a good idea where you are on the course. There was a 'half way' red buoy. I knew I had been in the water for a while and felt like that buoy had to be further than .6 miles. I peeked at my watch and it said 18:40. I was pissed. No way half this course took me that long. I tried to refocus on finding feet and for the most part I was successful. By the 30' mark, I was tired of being in the water. I thought for sure I was going to hit transition any minute but it still looked far off in the horizon.

I made the final turn toward the exit and came across a big group of rocks. About 100m later I stood up and started wading toward the exit. I glanced at my watch and it read 35:37. I was pretty deflated. I pushed out of the water toward the wetsuit strippers. The carpet was very thin and you felt every rock under you. I decided to forgo the strippers because I was worried about landing on some rocks. I made the long trek to my bike and hopped out of the wetsuit, grabbed what I needed and was out of transition. T1: 2:34

I started the bike pretty deflated from the pathetic swim. I thought to myself that I would push the final 15-20 miles of the bike and try to make up a few extra minutes and I would be right on target. The bike started with a short out and back through the crowd. I spent the time settling into the saddle and finding my watts. After we zipped through town, I took my 5 hr energy drink and I was ready to go.

One of the greatest aspects of this race was that it was completely closed to traffic. I have never seen so many cops. There were literally cops at EVERY road....including each neighborhood or church outlet. The race really shut down the city. I found my groove relatively easily. I was playing it smart. When I hit the bridges, I didn't grind. I dropped to small ring and spun up them. I was keeping my watts on the lighter side of my plan. I felt like I was racing it conservatively.

On the way out, I felt like were were on a small false flat. It felt much like the Silver Comet Trail and I was anticipating coming back at a slightly faster pace. As we turned onto the Chef the winds began picking up from what seemed like every direction. The coolest part of the race was being able to see the pros. You rarely get to seem them on the bike. I saw nearly all the women pros since I was only about 10 minutes behind them. I made it out the 24 mile turnaround and I was dead on my watts. I peeked at speed and was riding what I was expected to ride.

I continued to slice through the wind on the return before hitting Hwy 11. This was one of the most brutal stretches of roads I have ever endured. The wind was whipping me around like I have never experienced. It was unrelenting for the 5 miles out and 5 miles back. I did my best to stay aero tight and hold my prescribed watts. The sun was starting to come out so I grabbed a water from the aid station and began cooling myself down.

When we turned back onto the Chef we were into a solid headwind. I knew I was still on par for a good ride but it was time to push a bit more and gain a few minutes. So I pushed and the wind pushed back. I tried to wait it out and it didn't seem to want to help. Even coming back on Haynes Blvd the wind was unrelenting. This is where I thought I would have a slight downhill. I kept my eyes ahead and I wasn't gaining on the athlete despite feeling like I was giving it more effort. I peeked behind me and saw that no one was gaining on my anytime soon. We were all in this together.

At this point I was still trying to fight off the negative demons in my head from the swim. I was pushing the bike but not making up ground. Essentially, I was drowning in negativity. The wind was really taking it out of me. Physically, I was tired but felt like I should be from pushing the bike. But I really felt like I was having to give it more effort than I should to hold my watts. I made the mistake of peeking at my watch to see what the race time was. It was becoming very apparent to me that I wasn't going to be sub-5. This didn't sit well with me. The demons were infiltrating my head at a rapid pace. I didn't feel like running 13.1 miles today.

I struggled the last few miles. I tried to surge to get to feeling better but I was pretty beat. I was hoping the crowd would energize me. It didn't. I came off my bike and I had NO desire to run today. None. The worst part was that I couldn't realize that I actually had a good ride. The results show that I was 53/352 at that point. That is top 15% in my age group. But my mind was focused elsewhere. I didn't care. I had no passion or desire in my body.

I entered transition and yelled to Jess to call Dan and see if he would rather me DNF than run 13.1 miles. To me, if I wasn't going to meet my goal, I am not sure it made sense to tax my body over a hot 13.1 miles just for a t-shirt and medal. I made the decision to not stop and continue out of transition to start the run. T2: 2:17

As I exited transition, I was getting passed left and right. I felt like my form was horrible and I was running the pace of molasses. I continued to push and didn't like the way my body felt. I knew that it would take a miracle run to pull of a sub-5 race. I hit the one mile mark at 8:47. I was completely defeated. If 8:47 felt like that then I wasn't sure I would even PR on this day. Running a 2 hr half mary sounded miserable. I wasn't even sure I could pull that off. Doing a 5:30 meant nothing to me. I was not happy at all with my mindset but after stewing like this for well over 2 hours I couldn't move past it.

I decided to stop. I knew I needed to regather myself. I began thinking through the mental aspect of quitting a race. Was I being a wuss and this is the pain that I expected to experience? It didn't feel like the pain I remember from other races. Is it worth slowly jogging 13.1 miles or should I save my body and prevent any potential injury? Why did I want to quit? What went wrong today? Did I push the bike to hard? Were my watts wrong? All of these thoughts race through my head not making the situation any better. I decided to continue moving forward by walking in an attempt to regain my composure.

I was 1.5 miles into the run course and I had already stopped and was walking. I was done. I had given up on the race. I just needed to convince myself of it. So I turned around. I took off my race belt and chip. I walked back to the aid station and asked them to radio in Athlete 152-DNF. Due to the layout of the course, I had to walk back against the flow of run traffic. I pulled down my visor and tried to hide behind my sunglasses. Wouldn't you know that I am the most easily identifiable person in the world. This was truly the walk of shame.

I made it back to transition and gathered my thoughts. I sat under a tree and watched the rest of the race carnage unfold. When my watch beeped 5 hours, I turned it off. When my ride arrived, I walked past the other athletes who were still coming off the bike. I got in the car and headed back to the hotel. I just wanted a long shower and some quiet space to think.

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In the end, I got mentally defeated. I let the demons get the best of me today. And I let them get the best of me for all the WRONG reasons. I will never fully understand what happened out there on Sunday. I will never understand how I was able to actually turn around and walk back to transition. 48 hours later I am still just as shocked as anyone else. The key for me is to begin understanding why it happened so that it doesn't happen ever again.

You Finish What You Start

On my ride home, I was listening to a podcast with a pro triathlete. I swear it was perfect timing. The interviewer was asking about how one pushes through the tough times and when it is ok to take the easy way out by quitting. The athlete admitted to pulling out of races before. She understands why people do it. But she adheres to a simple philosophy--you finish what you start.

I have used that motto hundreds of times in my life. On Sunday that motto was nowhere to be found. I spent most of today in a daze about the race. I really thought it was a strange dream. Surely, I didn't actually quit a race. I can't recall the last time I ever quit something. In fact, one of my problems in my personal life is that I often can't walk away from situations because it feels like quitting.

In talking with friends today, everyone is shocked. They all agree that I am the LAST person in the world to quit a race. I am the type to walk the 13 miles rather than turn in my chip. I am still dumbfounded with how I came to that decision. I understand the why...but I am still in disbelief that I made the decision and stuck with it.

I could sit around and make excuses for the race. Bad nutrition, poor sleep, stress, not being prepared, race conditions, etc. But it doesn't matter. I quit. I was a big pussy. Things weren't going my way so I took my ball and went home. It is as simple that.

You finish what you start.

Mission Fail

First off, I want to say thank you for all the support leading up to the race. Family and friends, even those I don't know, have provided me with a wealth of support over my racing career and for that I am very grateful.

I didn't deliver this weekend. I had a mediocre swim, a good bike and then I ran 1 mile. Just one. I decided to pull out of the race. That's about all I have to report right now. No injuries, nothing is wrong with me physically. I just gave up.

I am giving it a lot of thought and obviously will write about it much more in the next few days/weeks.

Bust or Go Home

Those were the words from coach. He heard me loud and clear. Maybe a bit too loud and clear. I think the reality set in with the delivery of my race plan. I realize how much this is going to hurt. Dan certainly held nothing back and his race plan actually made me open my eyes even more. I think I actually gasped.

A few people have asked me about my attitude for the race and why I have this mentality. I began to expand upon this in my previous blog. I need to learn a lesson. I want to know where that line is. But more importantly, I need to begin expecting more out of myself. I went 11:03 at IMFL on a injury plagued season. Simple deduction says I can race a HIM in 5:30 by just pacing myself. Two years ago, I went 5:22 in the last HIM I raced. That was with three months of IM base training. I have to believe that I have gotten faster.

My attitude is simple. Given a decent race, I should PR without a problem. That isn't enough for me. The goal is simple...go sub 5. And that may be a stretch. Every which way I calculate my splits, I know I should be able to pull out a 5:05-5:10 if I am smart. But I don't want that. I would rather walk part of the run and finish 5:40 than go 5:05. I am still eaten up by the 3 minutes I left on the table at Ironman. From my perspective, if I go 5:02 then I didn't give it 100%. Somewhere I sandbagged it. So this race is me versus the clock.

What will it take to find that few extra minutes? Learning about my pain threshold and pushing through it. Go balls to the wall or go home. Can I swim 1 minute faster, bike 3 minutes faster and run 3 minutes faster. It sounds so easy on paper but is going to hurt so bad.

So there it is. Contentment begins with a sub-5 race. I know I am capable of pulling that off. It will require 100% focus for all 5 hours. A mental lapse on the swim means I get dropped. Losing focus on the bike will cost me 5 watts. And then I have 13.1 miles to fight off the negative demons. I did it for 26.2 miles in November. It is time to recreate that mentality and push.

Bust or go home. It is that simple.

Pre Race Thoughts

The time is here. I survived the last taper weekend with some satisfaction. It is time to turn my attention to mentally dialing into the race. I have mixed feelings about the weekend. I want to be excited about it but something is lacking. I guess it is the timing. It is early in the year and hard for me to think this is an "A" race.

I finally feel ready. My last few runs came together nicely. I still wish my rides were conducted with a bit more cooperation from the weather but the reality is I held my wattage just fine. My swim, well, it is what it is.

I will discuss later in the week my time goal, though it should be no secret to those who follow my training. But I really want to achieve a different goal. I want to hurt and continue to push. I want to try to find that line between pushing it hard and pushing it too hard. Too hard and I may go bust. While I never plan to blow up during a race, if there is ever one, this is it.

I commented the other day that it has been a long time since a race has taught me a lesson. Sure, races teach lessons. Often, for me, that lesson is that I could have pushed more. This, I think, is part of my discontent. I think I need a race to kick my ass to make me re-evaluate things.

Given all this, I am very tempted to flirt with disaster. Dan will kill me but he probably agrees that it isn't that bad of an idea. Personally, I would rather walk and go 30 minutes over my time goal than cross the finish line 2 minutes over that goal and know that I left something out on the course.

Will meeting my time goal mean giving it 100% the entire race? I don't know. When I put the numbers down on paper, it seems to add up too easily. I look at the targets and think I can make them. So I might not have enough perspective to know what I can really do. And that is the point of this early season race....to set up the rest of the season.

Ideal Race Weight

My longtime readers may recall that last year I devoted quite a bit of time to monitoring my weight. This wasn't for any specific reason other than to understand what my ideal race weight really was. I had suspected that my race weight should be around 155 lbs. This meant just making a few better diet decisions and I would be there. Well I am back on that boat again.

I have been avoiding the scale for most of the off season. I knew I was eating liberally. Well I am back on the scale and well....I am fat. I use that term a bit facetiously. But the other day, I weighed in nearly 10 pounds heavier than I was this time last year. Here is my last weight challenge post from 2008. The week before Powerman I was 158 pounds with under 7% body fat. Imagine my astonishment when I stepped on the scale for three straight days and had 167-168 readings. Time to put down the ice cream.

I spent a copious amount of time this week wondering what the cause of this weight gain might be. I feel like I am making better food choices this year. I know I am eating more fruits and vegetables. I am working out plenty. I have less snacks around the house. So what gives? Well, a number of things...

1. More upper body muscle. Over the past month I have noticed that my arms and chest have gotten much bigger. The funny thing is that I haven't set foot in a weight room this off-season. I have been focusing on push-ups, pull-ups, core strengthening and some high intensity interval training. Apparently I am seeing the results.

2. Cycling bulk. Last year I spent Dec-March running. This time last year I had amassed nearly 270 miles versus 200 this year. My cycling mileage is nearly the same but I have focused on intensity this year. I can see the muscular difference in my legs. So my legs are a bit bulkier than last season's long and lean muscle.

3. Protein power. My diet is getting 25-50g more of protein each and every day. This is likely the cause of the increased muscle bulk. I have debated going off the protein powder for a while. However, I am nearly 100% certain that my body doesn't get enough so I know it is a good thing.

4. Snacking in the office. Supervising people has encouraged me to adopt some bad eating habits...namely candy. I set it up as encouragement for co-workers to visit my office. Instead, I probably use it more as stress relief.

5. Cooler weather. I am certainly not sweating off the pounds early this season. Maybe the extra baggage is from my hibernation.

Again, I am not getting worked up about my weight...just yet. I still think my ideal weight is probably 158-162. I know I can get leaner. I am happy with the 8.1% body fat. My clothes are fitting me just fine so I know the weight isn't in the bad areas. It just isn't comforting to know that I am nearly 10 pounds heavier.

Part of my goal this season is to experiment with my body a bit more. The diet needs tweaking. I know that. I need to start counting calories. Not from an obsessive perspective but from and informative one. That way I can really determine my ideal race weight. I will never be one who measures out 1 1/4 cup of whatever. But I can practice moderation better.

So I am re-launching my weight challenge. Again, I am going to photograph my body and record my weight each and every Monday morning. Since I feel like I am carrying muscle bulk, it will be interesting to see if there are any changes over the next few months as I change up my routine.

What is it with Tapering

I can admit when I don't understand things. And tapering is one of them. I understand the benefits and why we do it. What I don't understand is the effects on the body. This isn't the first time I have blogged about it, here, and it certainly won't be the last. As an athlete you look forward to taper. But then it arrives and you hate every minute of it.

I understand the aches and pains that occur from the weeks/months of stress and fatigue. What I don't understand is the mental aspect of it. I wish I could trick my mind. I wish there was a way to prevent my mind from realizing that the race is here.

The funny thing is that physically I am not really tapering until this weekend. My workouts this week are on par with the previous weeks...tempo runs and z4 rides. But as usual, I have NO desire to do anything. I came home Wednesday night and was so defeated by the thought of riding the trainer that it didn't happen. The bike is still set up in the middle of my living room. I got on the bike and tried....twice. I had no desire to workout.

Thursday morning I headed out to run. My workout called for 2.5 miles easy and 2.5 miles hard. I did 3 easy. I didn't want to push it. I knew better. I knew pushing it would benefit me more. I tried to motivate myself and I had nothing. I was done.

During taper I become a big baby. I become crabby and cranky. It just amazes me how easy it is to get mentally defeated during this time. I spend weeks staying mentally strong to put forth solid effort when I don't want to workout. But 2 weeks before the race I am flat as a board. And how is it the my mental strength overcomes my physical strength? My body doesn't know it is tapering....well except that the mind constantly reminds it. I guess there are things that I will never understand.

Training with Perspective

What does fast look like? I am sure we all agree that the ability to run a 5k in 18:00 is fast. And that holds true until we meet the person that can run the same 5k in 16:00. Strong, fast, hard, far are all relative to your perspective. Over the past few years, I have encountered people on all ends of the spectrum. I know some really great runners. I know people who train and never get faster. I know people that are amazed when I go for a 40 mile ride. I know people that wow me with their abilities. Their perspectives in the sport are different.

In general, I subscribe to the theory that to get fast, you must train fast. And one of the easiest ways to accomplish that is to train with people faster than you. This is where most of us fail as triathletes. Instead, we surround ourselves with a peer group of equal or lesser talent. For one, this keeps us from getting embarrassed. Second, it lets our ego expand especially if we are on the front end of that group. But our perspective never grows.

I fell victim to this philosophy for the first few years of training. I just went out and rode with people. I treated group rides as social hour. There is a time and a place for that...just not if you really want to improve. Steve and I used to ride nearly every weekend. We were roughly the same pace. The companionship and encouragement is what we both needed to get through Ironman training. But we really never pushed it out there. The only pushing was when one of us fell off the back and didn't want to get dropped.

I joined a tri club last year and had a very similar experience. There are a number of good athletes in the bunch but due to geographical differences, I found myself unable to train with them. Additionally, I often found myself on the outside in that I was training for longer races. I would occasionally ride with them but again I found myself not getting 'faster.' More often than not, I wasn't pushing it enough to have a quality workout.

Last year my goal was to train with more intensity. I achieved that objective and POOF...I was faster. My perspective of fast and hard completely changed. Holding 20 mph in a race went from being a long term goal to an expectation every time I toe the line. This year I am pushing that thought a bit further because I am starting to better understand my potential.

This perspective also changed when I was in Hawaii. Part of my goal for that week was to push myself because I was around better athletes. I went into the week worried about being smoked in each workout. By the end of the week, the only difference was that they were in better shape than me. There wasn't a huge gap between abilities. Instead, I had the wrong perspective....and wasn't giving myself enough credit.

The key is the we need to better develop our perspective in this sport. If you are an athlete who exists in a world where 20 mph is really fast or a 10 mile run is too far or the Gaps are too challenging then you are limiting yourself. Fast, hard, long, tough are all have personal meanings. By setting those limits, you are promoting an I CAN'T attitude. And you never WILL if you don't try.

I am focusing on this perspective a lot this year. I still fail to show up to to the group ride when Dan tells me to. Why? I can't ride that fast and will get dropped. Will I really get smoked? Probably not but that degree of embarrassment is there. I am stuck in the perspective that the roadies are that much faster than me. Again, my perspective is that they are faster. How much faster? I don't know. It might only be .5 mph or 10 minutes over a ride. But until I actually get out there and push it, my perspective will never change.

In the next few weeks, I am going to blog about perspective a bit more. I want to think about how it has changed the way I train, what difference a coach has or has not made, the benefit of training with power and trying to learn what hurt really means during training and racing. I hope that after NOLA I have a different perspective on a number of things because my goal is to race differently than I ever have. Hopefully, with success that perspective will change to I CAN.

The Final Push toward NOLA

Wow. Is it really possible for me to put together a solid weekend of training AND have good weather. It isn't a misnomer. I think it actually happened. I was in Nashville for the weekend and traditionally I don't have good workouts up here. I don't really know why but things never seem to come together for me when I train long.

I set out Saturday morning for a 50 mile ride. My goal was to ride at least 50% of the time at tempo pace. My course was full of gentle rollers but I cruised along at a swift pace. Physically, I felt really strong. My body ached here and there but I had no difficulty maintaining the proper power. I got done and was feeling good about it. I have confidence that I will be able to hold a higher wattage during the race.

This morning I set out on a 12 mile run. I tried to find the flattest stretch of road knowing that it would be a bit challenging. The goal was to run 6 out and then pick up the pace on the way back. I felt really good for the first 6 miles holding a steady 8:40 pace on mostly a slight incline. Knowing that I would have the terrain with me on the return, I was able to open it up a bit and cruised at a 7:40 pace for the next three miles. There were two monster hills between mile 9.5 and 10.5 that took the wind out of my sails and dropped my pace to about 8:10. When I had the final mile to go, I wanted to gut it out. I had a solid downhill for half of it but I wanted to push through it. I wanted to feel that pain. I got my pace down to 7:13 and was done.

Right now, that is exactly what I needed from training. I had good weather and put together two solid workouts. Typically, I have one good weekend workout and the other is mediocre. Now I just need to replicate both of those in 2 weeks and I know I will hit my goal for New Orleans