Is this a mental breakdown?

This isn't fun. I am a complete mess right now. On a scale of 1-10, I rate myself around a 15. I am a complete nutcase and feel that I am on the verge of a breakdown.

I have been so successful this season. Every single race has been a personal best for me. I have trained with more focus than I ever have before. I took the offseason to attack my weaknesses. And now, in the middle of the season, injury strikes. It puts in jeopardy my two biggest races...the ones in which I will use to largely define success

The outlook is not positive on the ITBS. I went to the doctor on Wednesday and have visited my physical therapist three times in the past 5 days. Improvement? Not really. ITBS isn't one of those things that just go away. It often takes time and an aggressive strategy. Right now there is NO running.

It kills me because I have finally come to terms with being injured. I tried to deny it all I could. I tried to run through it. But the pain is too severe. I grimace when I run. I clinch my teeth with every footstrike. The pain is comparable to an ice pick being jammed into your knee.

What is hard to swallow is the next four months of training. I can only hope that I am thinking worst case scenario, but I don't really know what's in store for Belgium and Ironman Florida. It tears me up inside to see my goals slip out of my grasp due to an injury. And to make matters worse, it is an injury that I can't do anything about. I had almost rather have a serious injury. At least that way I could feel sorry for myself.

My largest concern is that being injured will only make me beat up myself more. I will lose my edge. I see it already happening. First, I lose my mental focus with regards to training. I start skipping workouts. Second, my diet goes. Right now all I want to do is eat out or have cocoa krispies for dinner every night. Third, my social life picks up big time. I find myself going out and more importantly staying out WAY too late. These are my coping mechanisms. But overindulgence in them will cause more problems in the future.

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